I ♥ Being a Girl people, Alissa

Hey everyone,

my name is Alissa and I’m from Germany.

Since September 2015 I have joined I <3 being a Girl and I hope with our group we can inspire you and fascinate you about our themes.

For two years I have been studying social work. During my internship at pro familia, a non-governmental service and consumer organization for sexual and reproductive health and rights in Germany, I worked in the field of pregnancy counselling, which also includes counselling in conflict situations.

In this time I learned a lot about women/mother/family rights in Germany on the one hand and on the other hand I started thinking about the importance of sex education and the freedom of decision. Those topics were always important to me, especially in connection of the influence of media and religion in our society, but during my internship I had the chance to realise the reality of SRHR in Germany.

I got in contact with themes of SRHR and I started to reflect about the female role in society. This time strengthened my opinion that women and girls can decide how they want to live their life and that there still is a need of support.

So those are the reasons I’m writing here but now more about me :)

3 Things you enjoy doing?

mussels in Brussels

Traveling - I love to travel and getting around. Thereby you have the chance to get to know other cultures, other people, amazing landscapes and different food. Which leads me to my next thing I enjoy doing:

I like to try new dishes - Either I cook and try new recipes or I like to eat out at a restaurant.

Reading a good book or watching a good movie – For me “good” means that, afterwards, you start thinking about the story and meaning you saw/read. You are touched by the occurrence, the words and the people and it feels like it is real. Especially with a book you can understand a whole generation or historical facts if it is well written.

What makes you continue? Why are you still doing it?

Now, after half a year of internship, I noticed that I want to stay active in the fields of women rights. I had the chance to listen to many lectures and strong women and I could form my own opinion. I would like other women and girls to have the opportunity to form this too and thereby they can decide on their own, how they want to live.

The world would be a better place if everybody would:

 

Listen to the story of a person.

 

Watch “The Hours”: The movie is about three women, living in different generations, interconnected by the novel “Mrs Dalloway” by Virginia Woolf

Read “To Kill a Mockingbird” by Harper Lee. An amazing novel about childhood, racism and inequality.

Try regularly something new to broaden one’s horizon.

Future: before you're 80, you'd like to...

See all the countries of the world. Ok that’s a lot but there are quite a few places I’d like to visit. For example Corvo, an small island of the Azores archipelago.

Next to my travel plans I hope I can say that my work as a social worker had an impact on other people and decision makers. Maybe it was my little input to make the world a better place by helping people and by pointing out that special groups have a need for help and therefore they need other options in their lives. These options require to be enabled or we should support these groups to help themselves.

women and wanderlust

In northern hemisphere summer has come. During this season many people are taking the vacations and heading off the road. Either it's to take "All Inclusive" and relax at five star hotel or to hitchhike and Couchsurf it will be an adventure!
There are many ways of how to travel and one of them is solo traveling. Many people choose this way to challenge themselves and explore unknown and why not to, we know so little about ourselves!
Although in recent years the number of women solo travelers have increased it is still considered to be more difficult and dangerous for female than male wanderers. It's a pity how fears of unknown can stop us from so many life changing experiences but does the fear always tell us the truth?
Unfortunately the women who can enjoy traveling and wandering are not the majority of women. The world is rich in cultural diversity that we want to see and learn about but sadly cultures have created conditions that restrict women from traveling. It can be based on economical point of view or to patriarchal "ethics". Some women can feel relieved and be thankful for the ability to travel while other can't but at the same time not really. The same conditions will also apply to any other person who wants to enter this kind of culture. For example, in Saudi Arabia it's made almost impossible for young and unmarried women to enter the country without a male assistance. The government simply won't issue the visa. Similar situation is in UAE and Qatar if you are planning a longer stay. In Lebanon female travelers can apply for the visa on arrival if they can prove that they formerly have not taken job as an artists. Ridiculous truth and there are many more countries that are very skeptical to issue visas for young women, especially the ones who travel alone.
Women face many gender-based restrictions during their life-time but the fact that you can not exit or enter a country hits very hard. It's a horrible feeling and it feels very wrong.
Not so long time ago we could never imagine a women traveling alone. Now there are many woman out there that are having nomad life style and it's beautiful that they can fulfill their dream. We have to keep traveling and fight to open borders and give this chance to evryone. It's still not 100% safe to travel as a female but it also applies for men. While female are facing to be beaten up in the same situation a male is in a danger to be killed. While majority of woman are risking to get raped only few men are.  It's always a risk and it's a choice. Not everyone is made to sing and not everyone is made to travel but the same as singing traveling should be gender neutral.

 TINY TIPS TO TRAVEL SAFE

Overly Helpful Stranger Danger
You have to trust yourself to be able to learn how to trust others. First and foremost important rule is to follow your inner feeling. It works! If you have even the tiniest suspicion do not accept the help from a stranger and do not feel guilty about saying no. By connecting to strangers you will learn how many amazing, kind and openhearted people are in the world!
Periods
If you are healthy and not pregnant you will get them anyway  so why not on the way? If you are usually suffering from very uncomfortable moments during the menstruation maybe it's time to change the environment, it can help! You can still use your favorite hygienic products or to try out menstrual cup which is reusable and more environment friendly. Just one golden rule - hygiene is the priority. In case you do not have the access to clean water intim area wipes can be a solution
Rape Danger
When you will start to travel you will realize that not every person wants to rape you. Yes, there are dangerous people and dangerous situations. Yes, we need to be concerned and aware but the media always is giving us the negative image of everything and it sticks to our minds. In fact, there are much more amazing people who want to help you than the ones who wants to harm and benefit from you.
Eyes Open
Always be in charge of your own stuff. Pack light so you don't need assistance to put on or carry your bags. Don't forget to look around you to see what is happening. Either you are in a big city, rural village or forest make sure that you have the control over the situation. When you are in a public transport try to memorize people around you and see if there is someone who seems interested in you. It can be great start of friendship or a way to escape. Never brag around about traveling alone and don't be afraid to tell that your friend is somewhere near even if it is not. Also, do a regular check-ups with family or friends so they know how are you , where are you and that they need to react if you are not giving any news.
Money and Documents
Don't keep your money in one place but spread it along your stuff. Put them at the least money-keeping places but don't forget where you put them. Have an emergency money. Always have copies of your passport and other travel documents. Hard copies, saved in memory stick and some internet storage you can access from any computer. Other than that make sure that your documents won't get wet either it rains or your bag falls into the water. 
Hitchhiking
If your friends and family are trying to scare you with horrible hitchhiker stories take them as lessons and thank them for caring but don't let it scare you off. In fact, to be a woman hitchhiker sometimes it is easier than to be a man. Also drivers are people that can be scared of strangers and woman might seem less harmful, just like female drivers might seem. It's sexist and it's a reality that female can get help much easier than male.

Stories From India - Public Transport #3

In most of the parts in the world public transport is something normal, we even don't pay attention to it, we continue to plan our day, red a book, call someone, spend time on social media or whatsoever. Simple, insignificant part of our day. Not for a woman in India. Especially a foreign girl.

Auto Rickshaw/ Tuk-tuk the adventure starts from the moment you have to get one. You must find one, then to explain where you want to go (and I will not even talk about how drivers try to take advantage of foreigners). When it's done, you bargain for the price and go. In big cities it's not a problem and you can easily get a ride which will be comfortable. In rural areas the story is different. Firstly, Auto won't go until it's full (in rush hours) and by full I mean more than 10 people. Squeezed together with men, women, old and young. You are so close to other people that you can feel their heartbeat. Unfortunately it's a great place for men to take an advantage of women. You are simply so close to each other that you really don't understand if there is any touching happening or I am overreacting because of my stereotypes. Many times I felt incredibly uncomfortable. Either you get out, lose time or stress out and keep going!

Metro system is also not the same as we are used to. At least what I experienced in New Delhi was that last wagons are made just for women. At first it's hard to believe that such a thing rally exists. If men get caught in this area, then they get fined. Women are allowed to go in the rest of the wagons. The whole metro system is developed quite well and with unnecessary high security system. For me metro felt as the safest public transportation almost the same as at home. Nobody stares, different nations and people busy with themselves. Sad but it feels like home and comfort zone. But also it's different India. Modernized and westernised which makes you forget about the rest of the country. It's truly like parallel reality. Despite that there are still rape cases which I wouldn't expect if I didn't read it on news.



Buses used to freak me out the most. Firstly, there in unpredictable system from place to place. Here you have to buy ticket in bus, there you have to buy it at counter to get seat. Constant confusion. But as a foreigner you might always get seat because even if you try to explain that it's OK for you to stand, they just push you into the seat and now you have to be their friend. Secondly, in many buses works gender division. Front part usually is for women and back part for men. Another shocking thing is that in some states the bus tickets are cheaper for women. At first it seems as advantage but when you go deeper why is it so it's only an assault: "women are weak, women need support because they can't be on their own, women need help", it's like a charity from the "generous". Disgusting!
And those ayes that look at you constantly...you go by bus 4 hours and all 4 hours your every single move will be noticed. I did my mistake by staring back with an intention that they will get shameful and blench. I wanted to give an impression that I am not scared or less powerful..well, it does not work like that It only gave wrong vibes and expectations which I definitely didn't want to give. I understood too late that the aye contact in this culture has different meaning.
But when the bus is full, it is full. You might be hanging out from the doors and the only thing that matters is that you are somewhere inside.



Trains are my favourite type of transport! I never took first class because I wanted to feel the real India. During the travel I had unexpected period trouble when I started my fifty-five hour journey from Kerala to New Delhi. There was no possibility to buy any hygienic products. I had to use my own clothes because I simply didn't have a different option. And I am not the only woman who takes this long route. It's almost violent how these needs are denied. Not even a proper or separate toilet or bathroom where to refresh. Frustration.
Women never travel alone these long routes (lower class trains). Either there are group of women or some male companions. It's simply too dangerous to be alone in second class train. Majority passengers are shameless men who stare, take pictures, talk about a woman loudly and even catcall. And for that you don't need to be a foreigner. During the night it is especially scary because you can't really see the faces and how would that help if you have nowhere to run? We are always alarmed, it's the first rule: to be on track of what is happening around you.
So many times it simply pisses you off because you are less safe because of your gender! And then you get violent thoughts even if you wouldn't hurt a fly, you want to throw their phones away and stab them in the ayes just because all this insecurity and stress level makes you crazy.
My train travels were with my friend and/or Indian colleague. At all times I got instructions on what to say, what not to say, on who I should look and on who I shouldn't, with who I should talk and with who I shouldn't. I was thought to be suspicious to everyone. A 100% Indian person told me to never trust an Indian.

To be honest I broke my "woman rules" many times and those were the best experiences of my life. Full of adrenaline because I was aware of possible outcome...but my observation was that it's not a dangerous thing to break the rules. Women are told to be quiet, say yes, follow the men and never protest, that she is weak and born to obey but when a woman is actually independent and stands for herself, then men get confused, almost scared. If I was confident to talk, express my thoughts, say no and stand for myself, then they don't feel comfortable in front of me any more. It feels like the model of how woman should act is only a strategy on how to rule the society not because culture made it so. Women oppression is not natural as some sources might affirm.
In my opinion women empowerment must be in first step towards gender equality. It's a beautiful thing to be a woman, not a stamp of weakness and restrictions. We have to understand it and then stand for it. Men will do whatever it takes to stop this progress because it creates the feeling of losing power. And they might call you in the worst names, try to label you and impress their "standards" of how woman should behave. Don't give up, we know the truth!

Girl Who Cycles the World: Shirine

"Anyone can follow their dreams, us girls included!" Shirine

At twenty years old I decided I was going to cycle around the world alone. Having been raised in a hippy Oregonian town in the United States, I never thought twice about the fact that as a women I was setting out to do what so many believe is impossible. I have always loved to travel, and having already spent an amazing year (at eighteen) backpacking alone through South America, I really didn't consider this next adventure to be all that crazy. I never thought twice about being at a disadvantage because of my gender because I was raised in a family and by a community that valued me just as much as they valued my brother. Gender had never been an issue for me so I had never given it much thought, I'm one of the lucky few who grew up reaping the benefits of the previous feminist movements before me and therefore grew up knowing without a doubt that I'm equal in every way to my male peers.

But then I spent six months cycling alone through India and my world was torn open in a painful yet insightful way. I couldn't stop to eat in some parts of the country because when I did, I would be surrounded by every single man in the village starring leeringly at me. I was grabbed multiple times as I quietly made my way down the road, and more than once men tried to push me down a ditch while I was cycling because they wanted to have their way with me. Men handed me porn asking for naked photos of me (because every white women in their mind is a porn star), men yelled "I want to fuck you" as I walked by, and worst of all, men considered me inherently inferior just because I was born with boobs instead of a penis. Of course, there are wonderful people in India, and there is a slowly growing movement for women's rights as well, but as a whole, India is one of the worst countries in the world for women - not just due to the constant rape and abuse - but because so many men, and even many women, truly believe they are inferior because they have been told so from birth.

Most of the women in India thought I was crazy - not just in the "oh wow that's a great adventure" - sort of way, but in a "what are you doing, this is not your place as a women." I was asked by every single women I encountered if I had run away, because they couldn't imagine a farther or husband allowing me to walk around alone, and they often couldn't get their mind around the fact that I didn't have a husband or father "controlling" me at all. I never felt unequal because I know that I'm not. I never felt that what I was doing was wrong, because I know it wasn't. But what about all of the girls who grow up believing they are inferior? What about the millions of girls who truthfully believe that rape, abuse, or unequal treatment of any kind is ok, because they have never been taught otherwise? 

I hope that every single girl or women reading this knows that they are equal in every single way to men. I hope that all of you realize that no matter how others treat you, what others say, or what your community wants you to believe, you are an amazing human being who deserves to be recognized and not just pushed to the side. As a women you can do anything, you can become a doctor, a teacher, a housewife, or, like me, you can cycle around the world all by yourself. This isn't a one sided fight though. This isn't about being superior to men, or hating men, or even disgracing men in anyway, it's about working with men to be considered their equals just as we need to consider them our equals as well. It's about someday having every singe man and women on this planet realize that we all deserve the same respect and kindness not matter who we are, or where we are born

This women kept me safe one night when I slept in a small roadside slum. The men were drunk and abusive, so the women kept out of their way and helped me do so as well. These women work all day alongside the men breaking large rocks into smaller stones on some of the worst roads in the world, yet when they come home exhausted, they are still expected to cook, clean, and fake cars of the children while the men wander around doing whatever they please. Even though they do all of the work, they get no respect whatsoever.

I stayed with these children and their parents for two weeks in a very small rural Indian village in the hills. I loved this family, especially the wife, as she was funny, happy, and an amazing mother. She had a supportive and loving husband who worked hard to provide for the family and let his wife run the house as she saw fit. Her children, these two kids below, were some of the most respectful and smart children I met throughout my stay in India because they had parents who taught them that everyone is equal.

This was a lovely women I stayed with in Spiti Valley, a high altitude Tibetan Buddhist region in northern India which I loved. Here the women are considered equal to their male counterparts, and do most of the work both around the house, in the fields, and with the animals. They are well respected and I enjoyed being with them because I was never treated as an inferior.

I loved the women throughout India and Nepal because they were fun, lively, and strong willed even though their husbands may not know it.


 

Check out more of my adventures:
Blog: awanderingphoto.wordpress.com
Twitter: @awanderingphoto

I ♥ Being a Girl people, Ilze

Hey-ho folks!

My name is Ilze Leimane and this is my story!

There are thousands of things that can make me happy but three that always work are

TRAVELLING, VOLUNTEERING & LEARNING SOMETHING NEW

What brought me to I ♥ Being a Girl? The fact that I ♥ Being a Girl!
Once upon a time (5 years ago) I started to volunteer in  Latvia's Association For Family Planning and Reproductive Health which inspired me to educate myself more about the issues all over the world and one of them (with thousand sub-issues) is sexual and reproductive health and rights (SRHR). From the local I decided to go global. I have been volunteering in Europe and Asia, gained experience and inspiration to do something on this topic. For quite a while I am part of the YSAFE group where I have met dozen of inspiring people with the interest to improve the SRHR=Human rights.

Surely world be a better place if we would

• watch more documentaries over various topics. Here you can find bunch of them. Personally, my last favourite is Schooling The World (2010) 
• listen reggae, meditative and tribal music! And here is one great musician Asa (Asha)! You should get to know her!
• read more books as such! I recommenced Khaled Hosseini books (very strong, cruel and honest stories from the Afghanistan that won't let you go for a while after finishing the book). Also, you should read blogs, start with the I ♥ Being a Girl to make world a better place! One more recommendation is this blog. It's about the 20-years-old girl who is cycling around the world! Inspirational!
• step in a another man's shoes for a day. Just try and you will break many of your own prejudices and stereotypes!

There are millions of things I want to do before I am 80! I want to create something sustainable for the people around me and beyond, visit 6 continents and learn 6 languages, learn how to dance, how to play ukulele, how to balance! Live in African village at least for a year, return to Puducherry, live in a eco-village, change someone's life, overcome my fears, change my stereotypes and hike the Kilimanjaro! I want to be healthy and unstoppable! Proud, useful, happy and the most important - to have a choice!

Emotions are contagious, spread more positivity and good thoughts. It will affect other people who will affect more people. If you think that you are too small to change something, try sleeping with a mosquito in the same room.

Peace!

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Summertime (1955)

#inspirationalmovie 

Just in time for August, another treat with Katharine Hepburn: Summertime (1955, David Lean). And exactly as it happens with many more classic - and contemporary - movies, there are several ways how you can read the plot. Our mission is emancipatory, so on that we shall focus...

1) A woman traveling solo to a country she does not know without speaking a word in its language. Already daring.

2) She is not young. Or breathtakingly beautiful. Or overly confident. But she's very excited to be doing things and going places.

3) She meets a person. And has lots of fun with them. While nobody is promising marriage or happily ever after.

4) After that, she takes a decision to stop a relationship that is not promising anything more than she has already seen. She leaves. To go back to her life. Because she has a life. For real.   

Obviously, all of this happens in a sauce of she wasn't really living until she met the right man, but - as we did with Roman Holiday (1953), which has a very very similar narrative - let's treat the love interest as a driver of empowerment and self-discovery instead of being a prince charming and a savior. Because in both of these movies (both set in Italy, curiously enough, the paragon of loose morals for 1950's Hollywood, apparently), the protagonists have romantic fun and then move on. With a bittersweet break-up, yes, but with little doubts about what they have to do and where are they going.

And before most of the above happens, this quote:

"Renato De Rossi: Listen to me! Stop behaving like a schoolgirl! What my wife does is not your business. What signora Fiorini does is not your business. You come here and what you do? You hide in a gondola and you sigh “Oh, Venice is so beautiful, so romantic! Oh, these Italians, so beautiful, so romantic! Such children!” and you dream of meeting someone you want: young, rich, witty, brilliant, and unmarried, of course! But me, I’m a shopkeeper, not young, not rich, not witty, not brilliant and married, of course. But I am a man, and you are a woman. But you see…it’s “wrong” it’s “wicked” it’s this, it’s that. You’re like a hungry child who is given ravioli to eat. “No!” you say, “I want beef steak!” My dear girl…you are hungry. Eat the ravioli.
Jane Hudson: I’m not that hungry.
Renato De Rossi: We are all that hungry, Miss Hudson."

Realizing your most authentic needs and fulfilling them is very important. And sometimes other people might help with that.

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Beasts of the Southern Wild (2012)

#inspirationalmovie

Probably the most gender-not-in-the-picture movie about a girl-child that you will ever know. Beasts of the Southern Wild (2012, Benh Zeitlin) is at the same time scary (be aware of the possible trigger of very rough kind of parenting) and somehow inspiring...

If you treat it as a metaphor (yes, again, as with Picnic at Hanging Rock) - and not as an actual story of a small child wandering around, lost and scared - it is a journey of a free person in the big, wide world. Occasional damage is caused, being nature and all, but things somehow make sense, there are people you can trust and even the scariest monsters (storms, police, actual monsters) can be tamed if you stand brave and look them into eye.

An additional gem is the very young Quvenzhané Wallis who we are waiting to see in upcoming movies. While so, she's already known for not playing dumb nor fake humble. And having been nominated for a Best Actress Oscar when you're 9 is, well, AWESOME! 

Momal ♥ Being a Girl

Through contacts made in WSYA and Women Deliver, we are happy to present:

Name: Momal Mushtaq, creator of thevoiceofyouth.com and thefreedomtraveller.com

I enjoy doing anything that would fall under the category of social media, social entrepreneurship and/or social work.

I founded The Voice of Youth (tVoY) in June 2010. It is an award-winning youth network spread across 151 countries of the world. Social media as an alternate form of media has brought the conflict zones of the world into limelight. With the vision of a peaceful society, one of the goals of tVoY is to speak to millions about resolution of conflicts, their nature and root causes. Our focus is on the young people. By sharing their story, we feel they can be a great source of inspiration and encouragement to those who are going through similar situations.

Other than that, I recently launched The Freedom Traveller. I call it "a young Pakistani woman's uprising, her desire to be free and her dream to travel the world." I come from a male-dominated society where girls can't go out alone anywhere – be it the store or the university – everything is dependent on males. Considering this, just being abroad has been 'precious' for me, because that's when I got to experience the true essence of freedom, and you can talk about it, think about it, see it in on television screen but you can't feel it. I have launched The Freedom Traveller to continue my journey as a traveler, redefine the word 'freedom' for women and highlight the work of other inspiring women from around the world. 

The world would be a better place if everybody would:

See The Pursuit of Happyness (2006)

Listen to TED Talks (I ♥ Being a Girl seconds that, see here)

Read The Five People You Meet in Heaven (2003) by Mitch Albom

Try following their heart.

Before I'm 80, I'd like to travel the world.

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Out of Africa (1985)

#inspirationalmovies

The trailer may give an erroneous impression... Karen Blixen's (1885-1962) memoir Out of Africa is not about sitting around waiting and then hugging Robert Redford a lot (although, nothing wrong with it, of course). It's a tale of daring travel, by XIX century standards at least, some convenience driven marriage, some STI, some love and learning how to love-and-let-go of people.

And when you have Meryl Streep reminding you that you cannot tame and cage people you love, what else can you ask from a nice, memoir based drama?