Stories From India - Public Transport #3

In most of the parts in the world public transport is something normal, we even don't pay attention to it, we continue to plan our day, red a book, call someone, spend time on social media or whatsoever. Simple, insignificant part of our day. Not for a woman in India. Especially a foreign girl.

Auto Rickshaw/ Tuk-tuk the adventure starts from the moment you have to get one. You must find one, then to explain where you want to go (and I will not even talk about how drivers try to take advantage of foreigners). When it's done, you bargain for the price and go. In big cities it's not a problem and you can easily get a ride which will be comfortable. In rural areas the story is different. Firstly, Auto won't go until it's full (in rush hours) and by full I mean more than 10 people. Squeezed together with men, women, old and young. You are so close to other people that you can feel their heartbeat. Unfortunately it's a great place for men to take an advantage of women. You are simply so close to each other that you really don't understand if there is any touching happening or I am overreacting because of my stereotypes. Many times I felt incredibly uncomfortable. Either you get out, lose time or stress out and keep going!

Metro system is also not the same as we are used to. At least what I experienced in New Delhi was that last wagons are made just for women. At first it's hard to believe that such a thing rally exists. If men get caught in this area, then they get fined. Women are allowed to go in the rest of the wagons. The whole metro system is developed quite well and with unnecessary high security system. For me metro felt as the safest public transportation almost the same as at home. Nobody stares, different nations and people busy with themselves. Sad but it feels like home and comfort zone. But also it's different India. Modernized and westernised which makes you forget about the rest of the country. It's truly like parallel reality. Despite that there are still rape cases which I wouldn't expect if I didn't read it on news.



Buses used to freak me out the most. Firstly, there in unpredictable system from place to place. Here you have to buy ticket in bus, there you have to buy it at counter to get seat. Constant confusion. But as a foreigner you might always get seat because even if you try to explain that it's OK for you to stand, they just push you into the seat and now you have to be their friend. Secondly, in many buses works gender division. Front part usually is for women and back part for men. Another shocking thing is that in some states the bus tickets are cheaper for women. At first it seems as advantage but when you go deeper why is it so it's only an assault: "women are weak, women need support because they can't be on their own, women need help", it's like a charity from the "generous". Disgusting!
And those ayes that look at you constantly...you go by bus 4 hours and all 4 hours your every single move will be noticed. I did my mistake by staring back with an intention that they will get shameful and blench. I wanted to give an impression that I am not scared or less powerful..well, it does not work like that It only gave wrong vibes and expectations which I definitely didn't want to give. I understood too late that the aye contact in this culture has different meaning.
But when the bus is full, it is full. You might be hanging out from the doors and the only thing that matters is that you are somewhere inside.



Trains are my favourite type of transport! I never took first class because I wanted to feel the real India. During the travel I had unexpected period trouble when I started my fifty-five hour journey from Kerala to New Delhi. There was no possibility to buy any hygienic products. I had to use my own clothes because I simply didn't have a different option. And I am not the only woman who takes this long route. It's almost violent how these needs are denied. Not even a proper or separate toilet or bathroom where to refresh. Frustration.
Women never travel alone these long routes (lower class trains). Either there are group of women or some male companions. It's simply too dangerous to be alone in second class train. Majority passengers are shameless men who stare, take pictures, talk about a woman loudly and even catcall. And for that you don't need to be a foreigner. During the night it is especially scary because you can't really see the faces and how would that help if you have nowhere to run? We are always alarmed, it's the first rule: to be on track of what is happening around you.
So many times it simply pisses you off because you are less safe because of your gender! And then you get violent thoughts even if you wouldn't hurt a fly, you want to throw their phones away and stab them in the ayes just because all this insecurity and stress level makes you crazy.
My train travels were with my friend and/or Indian colleague. At all times I got instructions on what to say, what not to say, on who I should look and on who I shouldn't, with who I should talk and with who I shouldn't. I was thought to be suspicious to everyone. A 100% Indian person told me to never trust an Indian.

To be honest I broke my "woman rules" many times and those were the best experiences of my life. Full of adrenaline because I was aware of possible outcome...but my observation was that it's not a dangerous thing to break the rules. Women are told to be quiet, say yes, follow the men and never protest, that she is weak and born to obey but when a woman is actually independent and stands for herself, then men get confused, almost scared. If I was confident to talk, express my thoughts, say no and stand for myself, then they don't feel comfortable in front of me any more. It feels like the model of how woman should act is only a strategy on how to rule the society not because culture made it so. Women oppression is not natural as some sources might affirm.
In my opinion women empowerment must be in first step towards gender equality. It's a beautiful thing to be a woman, not a stamp of weakness and restrictions. We have to understand it and then stand for it. Men will do whatever it takes to stop this progress because it creates the feeling of losing power. And they might call you in the worst names, try to label you and impress their "standards" of how woman should behave. Don't give up, we know the truth!

1st of December: World AIDS Day

Annually 1 December is World's AIDS day and it is an opportunity for people worldwide to unite in the fight against HIV, show the support for people living with HIV and to commemorate people who have died.

FACTS

In 2010, women and adolescent girls made up about one in four people living with HIV in the United States. Most of these infections (75%) were from sex with men, and the rest were from injection drug use Black woman are the most impacted by HIV Less 50% of woman have ever been tested for HIV in developed countries Women have a much higher risk for getting HIV during vaginal sex without a condom than men do The main risk group is youth 13-24 years, although there is no age limit to get infected Ninety-two percent of the estimated HIV diagnoses among Asian women were attributed to heterosexual contact 50% of HIV infected worldwide are women HIV can't be spread through daily activities - handshakes, hugs, kisses, using the same bathroom etc The number of people getting HIV+ is decreasing

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Wadjda (2012)

#inspirationalmovies

Wadjda (2012, Haifaa Al-Mansour) is exactly what you expect when watching a well made movie telling you tales about cultures very different from the one you live in: gives you a general picture of a society while stating very clearly that it's by no means completely homogeneous. Very well. And when such a movie come from the first ever Saudi-Arabian female movie director, your feminist obligation is to go and watch!

The premise is very simple and compelling: What happens when a girl that's already struggling with quite restrictive cultural norms of her society gets a strong urge to trespass even more? Or, in other words, what happens when Wadjda, a young Saudi-Arabian girl, wants a bicycle?

So get the movie, gather all the children (and not so children) you care about and watch Wadjda with them. And if you live in a context different of that of Wadjda be prepared to answer many questions. Why is everybody against her having a bicycle? Why are all the women covering themselves in black when leaving their own spaces? Why are girls not to be friends with boys? Why can men have several wives (and abandon their wives if they are unable to give them male children)? Why are girls followed very closely by their teachers to make sure they behave in a certain way? Why girls suspected of a lesbian relationship publicly shamed? And so on... Most importantly, what is likely to happen with Wadjda when she gets older? What kind of life is she likely to lead?

It may also help to ask those questions to yourself too. Just to realize what are the things that you most likely take for granted in life.

World needs feminism!

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Million Dollar Baby (2004)

#inspirationalmovies

This one might be too harsh to be inspirational. But you will have to judge that on your own. Million Dollar Baby (2004, Clint Eastwood) is a sports movie. A boxing movie. About hurt and suffering people.

As sports movie it goes pretty much as expected: we have a heroine who through hard work - mental and physical - gets to prove everybody how they were wrong about her abilities and character. Inspirational so far.

Even more, you get a story about several lives so empty and broken that the fight and success in the ring is the only way she perceives that allows self-realization and freedom. Then again, it's still brutal (and dangerous) fighting in men's world with other women... but who are we to question the dreams of well informed adults?

+ A movie where a woman in a central role is neither expect or made look conventionally pretty at any moment. Also, the sexist structures of the society (and sports!) are laid very bare.

+ The extremely multifaceted and talented Hilary Swank. Breathtaking!

- If you are sensitive to violence and not that into people having fist fights for fun (and money), the whole boxing context might result very crude and overwhelming.

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: I'ts Complicated (2009)

#inspirationalmovies

This is one to relax and take it easy, pros and cons will follow... I bring you It's Complicated (2009, Nancy Meyers). It may be actually aimed to your mom (or even grandmom) by the studio bosses, but what do they know about feminist movies? Clue: not much. So here I am, doing their work...

+ Nancy is a female writer and director that has made it big big big in Hollywood. With romantic comedies mostly, that's true, some ore feminist than others but still very big. I have a special weakness for female directors, what can I do?

+ Romantic comedy about people in their 50s or 60s... having romantic affairs and sex, apart from active professional and otherwise social lives. No as daring as Harold and Maude (1971) - hey, this is the big Hollywood Christmas fun movie for women (I'm sure that's how the marketers categorize this movie) after all - but still very valid image of people having fun and enjoying their sexualities.

+ Despite quite obvious love triangle, the ending is - spoiler! - not as you would expect. Neither life or movie ends with a happily ever after i.e. girls gets the boy she wants most. Life is not that easy. And the heroine is pretty OK as she is.

+ Meryl Streep. Who else? I'm deeply and passionately in love with her work, and this is a very nice fun bit.

- Jane, the central heroine, in this movie is a somewhat very softened example of a woman of career. Se has a cake shop that she does not spend her days in. Her hobby after a working day is to cook abundantly and extravagantly to her children, ex-husband, architect, whomever... her life story implies studying the fine art of French cooking abroad but with little consequences apart from croissants (think about Julia Child but much more demure).

- The families depicted live in a fantasy land of material abundance and their worries are pastries and house refurbishment into something even more amazing, etc. No worries about business, salaries, college funds for all the kids, etc. A Christmas fantasy movie indeed.

To conclude: watch this with your mom, aunties, grandmother... gonna be fun!

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Hanna (2011)

#inspirationalmovies

Hold on to your chairs... because here you have a quite classical thriller centered around a girl. Hanna (2011) is a weird story, no doubt. And I'm perfectly fine with debating - as in the case of Beasts of the Southern Wild (2012) - if being raised in a way that's alternative to the great majority and puts children in harms way is child abuse. Probably it is. But then again, raising a child on just Cartoon Network and candy could be considered very limiting and severely suboptimal too. Also, Hanna is 16 instead of 6-year-old Hushpuppy. Evolving capacities, people, evolving capacities. And a rather sci-fi narrative. Let's focus on the particular piece of fiction then.

It's eerie to watch it. Especially if you are sensitive to cinematographic violence. And it makes you question social conventions around the way we socialize our children, teaching them what's acceptable and what's not. Completely arbitrary sets of values, of course.

Also, by showing a quite rare narrative (Luc Besson's La Femme Nikita (1990) and Léon: The Professional (1994) come quite close, though), forces you to realize how internalized in this culture are the idea that violence is something that only adult men do. It's weird and doesn't feel right to see the dreamy Saoirse Ronan killing animals and people. It takes a movie like this to get hit by the hard truth that the violence is heavily gendered. Culturally obvious, but tricky still.

A little bonus just for you: the haunting Hanna's theme. You are welcome!

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Matilda (1996)

#inspirationalmovies

Ok, consider that this is as Halloweenish/All Saints/All Dead I'll go. Here you have superpowers, intimidated children, terrible parents and teachers, and scaring people out of their wits. And the love for books... and Roald Dahl.

Matilda (1996) is a very sweet and very 1990's version of Dahl's tale about:

1) A little girl that has landed in the wrong family by birth. But, as the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb, finds her happiness in books first and then in leaving them behind once she has found an alternative, better suiting family.

2) A little girl with superpowers that permit her to fight against injustice, punish the meanies, and have fun.

3) A little bibliophile obsessed with the escape and horizons that books offer.

4) A little smartass that instead of formal schooling chooses unschooling at home as her happy ending.

That's why Matilda is a superheroine I'd chose over Hit-Girl. Also, the crucial story is centered around three female protagonists: Matilda, Miss. Honey and Trunchbull. And that's an emanicpatory thing: you get to see that there are many ways how anyone - also anyone gendered as a girl/woman - can yield power. While the level of stereotypical masculinization of Trunchbull can be discussed (is she depicted as masculine in order to be more of an Other, more scarier?), the very fact that it's a female-dominated narrative (+ Matilda's father) is already note worthy.

Girl Who Cycles the World: Shirine

"Anyone can follow their dreams, us girls included!" Shirine

At twenty years old I decided I was going to cycle around the world alone. Having been raised in a hippy Oregonian town in the United States, I never thought twice about the fact that as a women I was setting out to do what so many believe is impossible. I have always loved to travel, and having already spent an amazing year (at eighteen) backpacking alone through South America, I really didn't consider this next adventure to be all that crazy. I never thought twice about being at a disadvantage because of my gender because I was raised in a family and by a community that valued me just as much as they valued my brother. Gender had never been an issue for me so I had never given it much thought, I'm one of the lucky few who grew up reaping the benefits of the previous feminist movements before me and therefore grew up knowing without a doubt that I'm equal in every way to my male peers.

But then I spent six months cycling alone through India and my world was torn open in a painful yet insightful way. I couldn't stop to eat in some parts of the country because when I did, I would be surrounded by every single man in the village starring leeringly at me. I was grabbed multiple times as I quietly made my way down the road, and more than once men tried to push me down a ditch while I was cycling because they wanted to have their way with me. Men handed me porn asking for naked photos of me (because every white women in their mind is a porn star), men yelled "I want to fuck you" as I walked by, and worst of all, men considered me inherently inferior just because I was born with boobs instead of a penis. Of course, there are wonderful people in India, and there is a slowly growing movement for women's rights as well, but as a whole, India is one of the worst countries in the world for women - not just due to the constant rape and abuse - but because so many men, and even many women, truly believe they are inferior because they have been told so from birth.

Most of the women in India thought I was crazy - not just in the "oh wow that's a great adventure" - sort of way, but in a "what are you doing, this is not your place as a women." I was asked by every single women I encountered if I had run away, because they couldn't imagine a farther or husband allowing me to walk around alone, and they often couldn't get their mind around the fact that I didn't have a husband or father "controlling" me at all. I never felt unequal because I know that I'm not. I never felt that what I was doing was wrong, because I know it wasn't. But what about all of the girls who grow up believing they are inferior? What about the millions of girls who truthfully believe that rape, abuse, or unequal treatment of any kind is ok, because they have never been taught otherwise? 

I hope that every single girl or women reading this knows that they are equal in every single way to men. I hope that all of you realize that no matter how others treat you, what others say, or what your community wants you to believe, you are an amazing human being who deserves to be recognized and not just pushed to the side. As a women you can do anything, you can become a doctor, a teacher, a housewife, or, like me, you can cycle around the world all by yourself. This isn't a one sided fight though. This isn't about being superior to men, or hating men, or even disgracing men in anyway, it's about working with men to be considered their equals just as we need to consider them our equals as well. It's about someday having every singe man and women on this planet realize that we all deserve the same respect and kindness not matter who we are, or where we are born

This women kept me safe one night when I slept in a small roadside slum. The men were drunk and abusive, so the women kept out of their way and helped me do so as well. These women work all day alongside the men breaking large rocks into smaller stones on some of the worst roads in the world, yet when they come home exhausted, they are still expected to cook, clean, and fake cars of the children while the men wander around doing whatever they please. Even though they do all of the work, they get no respect whatsoever.

I stayed with these children and their parents for two weeks in a very small rural Indian village in the hills. I loved this family, especially the wife, as she was funny, happy, and an amazing mother. She had a supportive and loving husband who worked hard to provide for the family and let his wife run the house as she saw fit. Her children, these two kids below, were some of the most respectful and smart children I met throughout my stay in India because they had parents who taught them that everyone is equal.

This was a lovely women I stayed with in Spiti Valley, a high altitude Tibetan Buddhist region in northern India which I loved. Here the women are considered equal to their male counterparts, and do most of the work both around the house, in the fields, and with the animals. They are well respected and I enjoyed being with them because I was never treated as an inferior.

I loved the women throughout India and Nepal because they were fun, lively, and strong willed even though their husbands may not know it.


 

Check out more of my adventures:
Blog: awanderingphoto.wordpress.com
Twitter: @awanderingphoto

Stories From India: Let me be naked #2

Imagine a hot day, above 30°C and high level of humidity. But you are there in jeans and a jacket, walking up to fifth floor, wishing to reach roof-top for a fresh and....and it just feels even hotter and less tolerable when you get there! The only thing you want is to be in shorts and light t-shirt or tank top but you can't! This is exactly how I felt in my first weeks during my 6 months stay in India. In first days it felt like I was constantly sweaty and salty. And it never was so much of a feeling of hotness and breathing, it was about the feeling of being dirty. The moments of taking a shower (in reality it was just an ice-bucket challenge) are priceless but as soon as you dress up again it feels like nothing have changed.

And all you want in this world is to be allowed to be in your own clothes! In first days it was simply uncomfortable but later on it made an impact on my psychology. I didn't feel good at all. My clothes became my own cage. I don't remember last time when I felt so trapped and oppressed. It was the feeling that your rights are simply taken away and you can't change anything. It felt like someone tied my arms and glued my mouth. I was craving and daydreaming about the shower. The only place where you can really be you. But how long can you be in a washroom if it feels wrong to touch a wall or a floor barefoot? When you have finally reached it, you just want to make it as fast as possible to not get any disease.

Being restricted can lead you into depressing state of mind. It makes you angry. And when you see a man who is walking next to you in shorts (or lungi) with a tank top...you just want to scream at him and the rest of the world for the injustice! Scream, cry and never stop! While a male can do whatever, I have to be dressed up like a Spiderman who is hiding his personality! I just want to be me but I can't because of my gender! Something as beautiful and wonderful as my gender was the cause for my troubles! I couldn't resist it, it felt so wrong but yet so true. Actually, India is a country where I've seen so many penises that I lost my count because these people (male) pee everywhere. You go by bus and you don't need to count stones or cows, you can count men who are peeing by the road! At first it seems either disgusting or amusing but then I understand that it is simply unfair. Women can't pee wherever they want! I couldn't pee wherever I want! And if I found a place where I can pee, it was so bad that I preferred that my organs explode inside me and I better die than stand in pee, feces and who knows where else. Once I went to a public washroom. Once.
Many times I was very close to tears. But then you are just there sitting on the floor sweaty and tired and if feels like your arms are tied behind your back. This feeling doesn't leave you until the hour when you can lock your doors and go to sleep in your underwear.

Only in Bollywood and very few parts of India girls can be found in suits where their stomach is uncovered and V line/ back line is very low. India has their dream just like Americans. In many parts of India, especially Haryana state where I was staying, a woman is treated very differently from a man. Every single female and male, either they are 5, 15 or 50-years-old, they know that she is less than he. If two kids are playing along but and suddenly doing something wrong, girl will be the one who will get slapped or spanked by their parents. Women are maids, delivers and accessory for a man. Women and man do not shake hands, it's inappropriate. She does what makes he happy. In a village where I was staying a women has to cover their face from the other man (except if it is her father, brother or husband). 

It's unbelievable that skin, just a bunch of different cells, blood vessels and nerves can be considered as something dirty and cheap. It's unbelievable that a simple knee, depending on if it's his or hers, is considered as something lewd! A man doesn't marry his wife but buys with a palatial wedding from her family. Buys her loyalty and body. They call it love but all I see is a market place where they sell meat because there isn't any opinion, ambition or faith. Like a dead body, she is covered from people ayes. And usually you don't talk about dead people but in this case everyone is allowed, to call her too fat or too skinny, beautiful or ugly, smart or stupid. And she will be there, listen to all this but keep doing what she is doing so she doesn't make anyone angry.

For me, as a foreigner, it was less and more difficult at the same time. Less difficult because I don't care so much what people say if I wear different clothes. Even though that I still covered everything I was supposed to cover (because most of my housemates were men) but it was more loose and relaxed. But also it was more difficult because I knew how it is to wear whatever I want and whenever I want, I knew the feeling to get out from shower only covered in a towel or go for a proper swim while for a woman in here it's difficult to imagine it. Especially doing it themselves. But also I got used to. And this also changed my stereotypes on body image that Western world was pushing on me through media my whole life. Woman should never have a limited choices (on anything). In our society boobies and booties are taking over while human being has so much more than a body. Sadly media isn't pushing on that. But if a woman loves to wiggle her booty - do it! If a woman likes to keep her body in privacy - do it! One right choice is soooo last century! Be you.

Actually, at the very beginning when I was respecting the rules of this country I never fully got why is it so strictly. I thought that I might be seen as an easy woman, being disrespectful or offensive, as the one who is trying to enticing men until the day I saw  his ayes. It was in Delhi where usually these things are more relaxed. I was having lunch with my colleagues, couple of men with who I was talking once in a while. It seemed that I know them a bit. During lunchtime appeared new Scandinavian woman who was around forty years old. Not the only one in the office. She sat down with her long dress and took of the scarf that was covering her shoulders and back...the animal look and and gasp that one of my office mates made...it was simply scary. I haven't seen anything like that in any other persons ayes, he made an aye contact with the guy from another table and both smiled with this inhuman spark in their ayes. I got shivers and my appetite was gone. Still, I continued to eat but that gave me the real click on what was going on. Remembering it still gives me really bad feeling. And a strong belief on that this world is lacking humanity and equality.

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Tangled (2010)

#inspirationalmovies

Yes, I admit a weakness for well done mainstream stuff for children. 'Cause they are the future, you know! If they get decent stuff to watch, maybe we won't be doomed as species. At least not that soon... Anyways, Disney's most recent version of the Rapunzel story - Tangled (2010) - could be considered their test of waters for a (somewhat) new kind of princess (this is before Frozen (2013), keep in mind, and before Brave (2012)).

While far from Disney's most interesting takes on (quite) feminist princesses - think Mulan or Merida - there's a lot to take out from this Rapunzel.

Lesson 1: A sign of personal maturity is to be able to overcome the limits your guardians have set if you feel that something from beyond those is calling you. Obedience is not by default the best choice. Your safe home may turn out to be a secluded tower with no exit. And you may have to jump to get out of it.

Lesson 2: Be ready to use force and cunning when in danger. Obvious, but not very princessy. Real world stuff.

Lesson3: Authenticity is better quest for perfection. Following what just feels right might give you a (messy) prince and a kingdom queendom. Or just make you happy.

Stories From India: Introduction 1

Dear everyone,

This is going to be a brand new article series from a personal experience by Ilze from IHBG team who spent 6 months in different parts of India to do voluntary work! It will be an amazing adventure and possibility to sneak into the reality of an Indian society*. To see a different perspectives what it means to be a woman in more global picture and compare it with what we know and share our opinions in comments below!

In these stories we are going to live through personal and global stereotype breaking points together, learning lessons and maybe changing our opinions on topic of sexuality and gender equality together. Funny moments and the beauty of cultural shocks that entangles with seriousness and harsh reality. This is going to be a reflection of a crazy, life changing adventure and here you can become part of it!

*All of the article are subjective and it does not cover 100% the situation Indian society. These stories are coming from a rural area, the reality of a village person seen by European ayes and filtered with mindfulness and ♥ of BEING A GIRL


STAY TUNED! First story coming on Sunday,  26/10/2014

Linda from the Fitness World

Hi, My name is Linda, I am 21 years-old and I love sweets...some people say that smile looks good on me!

I am a studying in Latvian Academy for Sport and Education as fitness trainer/pedagogue of physical education. Why this choice? Simply, since I started to walk sport was my passion! I've tried out different kind of sports like badminton, volleyball, football but currently my heart belongs to the gym. On 11th of November in Latvia we are celebrating important national day but this will be double celebration for me because exactly one year ago good friend of mine took me to the first training in the gym for a weight lifting.
This year have been life changing for my body and mind.  I am only halfway to my target but it feels fantastic already. I am absolutely grateful for everyone who was with me during this year because they are also the reason why I am who I have become. Support is the best motivation!

In our society and culture I've faced so many stereotypes and negativity for women who lift weights and are keen on to train their muscles. Many people have said to me that my lifestyle will make my feminine side to disappear and I will become more of a male than female. Also, there are thousands of prejudices about the diet I am following because of my physical workout intensity.
At the beginning it really pushed on my feelings and made me angry but actually I've understood that I shouldn't bother myself with negative emotions, I also have things what I like and understand and what I don't, just like the other people has.
I just enjoy doing what I like. Some people might like to do jogging, some people like painting but I love weightlifting. And weight lifting isn't just taking the heaviest barbell and pushing it up and down till I feel broken, it is mixture of knowledge about human body, what is good for it and what damages it. We are the masters of our own body and we make a choice how we want to see it. I've made my choice that makes me happy on daily basis, why should I exchange my happiness for some stereotypes?




Balanced diet is one of the main keys for healthy muscle development. Most of the people doesn't have any clue of this part and it creates a lot of myths. I suggest people to read more literature about this - what is allowed and what is not, about the protein cocktails and mixtures, why balanced diet is so importand and why eating plain grass and drinking only water won't work on anyone. In fitness diet doesn't mean starving yourself or taking food away, it's about making the best choice for your own good.
You know, fitness haven't changed only my body. During this year I have become another person. I am not anymore up in clouds, I am standing on ground with my both feet. I know what I want and how to reach my goals with a lot of work.

I have all my respect for people who are doing any sport. For me it doesn't matter if you are underweight or overweight, you have any disabilities or difficulties. Sport is for everyone and every single human being needs physical activities to be healthy in body and mind. I respect every single person who respects their body because our body is our temple and we have to take care of it.
For everyone who wishes to put themselves into the fitness (or any other type of sport), I wish dedications and to not give up! There will be difficulties and ups/downs, just like in any other niche of life. Usually the first difficulties are the strongest ones but you have to learn to deal with them! Later on it will become more easy. The only obstacle is you. Work, time, sweat and tears are worth it. After the first goals that you will reach you will get the addiction from the taste of success! And don't be afraid to fall and make mistakes, get up and work for your goal! If we stop because of fear to fall, we won't grow anymore.

I have not reached my goal but yet I am closer than I was yesterday!

Thank your time to read this!

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Victim (1961)

#inspirationalmovies

Retaking the theme of sexual diversity in restrictive cultures (well, at least more restrictive than others), here you have a historical gem: Victim (1961, Basil Dearden). While it's about men surrounded by men and women are just part of the context that refuses to accept and embrace (see Eyes Wide Shut (2009) for a contemporary twin and A Single Man (2009) for a depiction of the same era done recently), it still adds powerfully of the narrative of consequences of criminalization of consensual sexual behaviour among adults.

The movie as such - while depicting the horrors to what anti-sodomy laws may lead - is very progressive in the generalized message and surprises with that. It was 1961, think of that.

Also, the central marriage shown illustrates the importance of communication in the couple and mutual effort to understand each other. Obvious stuff, but still very important and not as widely practiced as needed.

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Harold and Maude (1971)

#inspirationalmovies

From the writer and director of The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (1982), here you have an even weirder piece on sentimental (and sexual) liberation: Harold and Maude (1971, Hal Ashby), a love story and life lesson neatly packed in total eccentricity! You are welcome!

While Harold's coming of age is the linchpin of the movie, he does that through his experience of meeting and getting to know Maude. Oh, Ruth Gordon, oh! At last, an inversion of the empowerment-through-romance-with-men we have seen so much (as in here, here, or here).

The special pluses:

+ Life is long and people can enjoy it at all ages!

+ And we are sexual, sensual beings at all ages!

+ Intergenerational love exists. And is also sexual.

+ The movie is a cult classic with very peculiar and most awesome esthetics. Rookie even suggests ways how to bring Maude in your warderobe.

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Dinner at Eight (1933)

#herstory

This one is educational instead of inspirational, be warned. Dinner at Eight (1933, George Cukor) is a manners comedy/drama and - despite having a marvelous ensemble of expressive actresses - not a feminist masterpiece. Nevertheless, it very clearly depicts the role of soft power that women have been relegated to in many times and places throughout the history, especially when separating her power inside the family and the expected persona of a sweet and demure wifey in public.

The cast does the job perfectly and - when everybody meets at the dinner table at eight, perfectly dressed and perfumed - almost none of the scheming and moving is visible.
Even more, the anxiety of the wives to influence and assure success (social and/or economic) is also to be understood in light of the realization that the husbands and their luck in business is all they have. Because, yes, you guessed right: it was believed to be unwomanly to work for a wage if that was avoidable. Think of the stress of being completely dependent and - supposedly - with no voting rights regarding the family finances! That's why Dinner at Eight ladies do their little secret planning and negotiations.

+ You get the adorable Jean Harlow as a very ambitious social climber! Power to her!

To remind that the ethos of scheming behind the partner's back in the family still hasn't died even in postindustrial societies, see, for example, My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002):

The Poetry Bit: Venessa Marco - "Patriarchy" (WoWPS 2014)

#empowerment #smashthepatriarchy

For those days when everybody on the planet seem to have conspired against you and you gender (when not your sex even), here you have a bit of poetry from Vanessa Marco.

More inspirational word art can be found under our tag "poetry". You are most welcome!

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Turn Left at the End of the World (2004)

#inspirationalmovies

Somehow I've got the impression that there are more coming-of-age stories about boys than girls... and that's why the effort here is to pay attention to the ones telling the stories of girls, and preferably not only those made in USA. As a result of that, here you have Turn Left at the End of the World (2004, Avi Nesher).

The plot is that of an encounter of two girls - both immigrants in 1960's Israel - and forging a friendship while sailing the troubled waters of deciding futures, bending cultural restrictions, falling in love, discovering that people might not be the ones you believed them to be... the usual growing up stuff that hurts so much at the moment.

The most similar of our past suggestions is Towelhead (2007). Turn Left... is a much milder version of the cultural and sexual tensions, though. Sara and Nicole - the central characters of Turn Left... - are almost grown-ups themselves and in position to negotiate their lives with much more agency than little Jasira, despite the fact that the time and place depicted is supposedly so much more conservative.

Plus points are gained with:
- Scene of female masturbation (still too rare in movies).
- Depiction of a close friendship that's intense and sensual but does not enter the territory of a full-blown romance. Romance is good (see Show Me Love (1998) for that, by the way), of course. Nevertheless, there's a whole vast area of attractions and intimacies that happen in friendships that balance on becoming a love affair but never get there, and it's nice to see them depicted in cinema.

Thinking bit: the Empowering Advertisement, the oxymoron

Depending on where you live and what media you consume, you may have seen more or less of this rather confusing genre of advertisement. But they are all over the social media the next day causing a debate among allies over their pros and cons...

Below you can find three examples that came out quite recently and can serve as good enough illustrations to the puzzle that they are.

+ They call attention on a topic - how gendering character traits, hobbies, and professions hurt people (and knowledge driven societies) - to audiences that never venture to read the latest outrage in the feminist blogosphere. Therefore, much good may be had if viewing such an ad would lead to a reconsideration of the behavior of parents, teachers, etc.

- They serve to sell the products, obviously. And even in this very small sample the relevance of the products varies greatly. All menstrual hygiene products  - no matter the brand, the type, or even if they are industrially made (see this great practice from Nepal) - are crucial for women to be able to get out of the house and lead an active and participatory life (google "dignity packs" for this).
Still, it's mostly Always toying with what it means to be girly without ever linking it to the product. Then the shampoo and shiny hair would still actually playing into the "be (even more) perfect (with our product) (because people may discriminate you less if your hair is shiny)" dynamics. And then Verizon who tries to get you to buy their wireless because they are concerned about the proportion of women in STEM. Slightly confusing. I'm all for corporate responsibility, but I don't need corporations telling me the status quo of the structural discrimination of women.
The action - apart from better perception of the products - that they offer are "inspire more kids to get involved with STEM" and "ban bossy [from your vocabulary as an adult qualifying the behavior of girls]". Nice, but far from revolutionary. And nothing for the already grown-up shampoo users, from what I gather.

- If they invert the traditional, discriminatory narrative, telling us - once again - that all the stakes are against them, the this is a stereotype ridden world where you will be called either girly or bossy, pushy, vain, and pretty over smart or brilliant. Much more emphasis put on that instead of alternatives. Not fun. At all.

- There are accuracy gaps. The truth is not all rosy, of course, but there are ways how - without inventing stuff - all these ads could've been made using a positive narrative of different femininities, different ideas of success (including interest for science, leadership roles, and careers in STEM for those passionate in that direction) instead of clashing traditional feminine with traditional masculine, insisting that the traditional masculine is much more valuable and perceived as more valuable... and promising an eternal fight (and frustration) for equality. Thank you very much, I already get that from the news!

+ On the other hand, provided that we live bombarded by advertisments, most of them extremely toxic and sexist, I much prefer any of the below than any disgusting Snickers BS on the "natural" sexism of a well eaten builder.

 

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: The Witches of Eastwick (1987)

#inspirationalmovies

You can, of course, analyze the classical piece that The Witches of Eastwick (1987, George Miller) is as a tale of seduction and revenge. But that's by far to easy... there's so much nuance in this + the perfect ending.

As I've claimed before, love interest, romance and passionate affairs can be - and often are, especially in cinema - the vehicles of empowerment and emancipation. This narrative can be rather predictable and slightly overused, but, hey, if the authors know how to show that it's not the man that has to be central to one's life in order to transform but an relationship offering an alternative mode of doing things that has a capacity to change people. Can be friendships. And can be romance. See examples here, here, here among many more. 
Yes, it is a heteropatriarchal way of constructing female emancipation. But better this than none, provided that the protagonists know what they are doing!

And The Witches... offer much more than just emancipation via Jack Nicholson.
You get the friendship that's prior to scandal and that remains afterwards. You get sexual emancipation based in pleasure and indulgence in bodies. You get creativity and playfulness. And you get the healthy realization that some things have gone too far and have to be gotten rid of.
It's a John Updike novel after all.

A Tribute To African Women

Antonio Sacristan is 29 years old volunteer from Madrid, Spain who spent 6 months of his life in Zambia, Mongu village. During his stay he was doing community development work. Together with his colleagues they saw that many woman are harassed and abused on the streets, so they decided to create a workshop for a men, women, teenagers and children to talk about feminism, gender roles and sexism.

The workshop was even more difficult than expected. Woman role in the Zambian society is very important because she is doing everything from household and childcare to earning money for the family. In many cases the money that is earned by the men is spent firstly on his needs and entertainment and after for the well-being of the family. Suddenly this model of living was questioned by three men from Europe. It created a lot of thinking and was taken serious but it didn't create any solutions.

The main feeling after the workshops was that people can be informed but not changed in six months. People must be educated daily and it has to start from the childhood, then the situation can be improved. The system must be developed in order to improve women's health and possibilities from the big cities to African villages.

Before the experience in Africa Antonio was interested in gender equality, now he is loud enthusiast. Fighting for women rights and educating other people to have a better tomorrow for the whole world.

Global Female Condom Day, September 16

WHY DO WE NEED FEMALE CONDOMS?

• 222 million women in developing countries who wish to avoid a pregnancy have an unmet need for contraceptives.
• According to the World Health Organization (WHO), more than 1 million people acquire a sexually transmitted infection every day.
• UNAIDS reports that in 2013, an estimated 2.1 million people became newly infected—the majority through sexual transmission.
• A UNAIDS 2014 report estimates that young women 15–24 years old in sub-Saharan Africa are twice as likely as young men to be living with HIV.
• According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) Black women in the U.S. are disproportionately impacted by HIV, accounting for approximately two-thirds of women living with HIV.
• The CDC reports that young Black gay men and other men who have sex with men comprise the overwhelming majority of new HIV infections in the U.S.
• Globally, gay men and other men who have sex with men are 13 times more likely to be HIV-positive than the general population.
• Female condoms can be used by women and men living with HIV to meet their family planning needs and claim their rights to healthy, mutually respectful, and fulfilling sexual relationships.

10 FACTS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THE FEMALE CONDOMS

1. Female Condom is a sexually transmitted Disease prevention tool and a contraceptive tool which prevents unplanned pregnancies
2. It is 17 cm long which is about the same length of the unrolled male condom and wider than a male condom
3. Female Condom shouldn’t be used together with male condom because it could be damaged during sexual intercourse due to the friction
4. Female Condoms are made of polyurethane or nitrile, which make them strong and durable. There is no need to store it in a special storage conditions as it is resistant to humidity and high temperatures
5. It gives women the opportunity to share responsibility for the condoms with their partners. It also provides the alternative if the partner is unwilling to use a male condom due to personal, cultural, religious or other reasons
6. The female condom is safe, simple, and convenient
7. You can insert it ahead of time or as part of sex play
8. Globally, female condom distribution increased by 10 million between 2008 and 2009.
9. Today the female condom is available in over 90 countrie
10. In 2008, donor countries supplied 18.2 million female condoms globally, compared to nearly 2.4 billion male condoms

On Global Female Condom Day, Sept. 16, we’re showing the world that women and men want access to female condoms by dancing for demand! Anyone can participate, alone or with a group!
Get started: www.femalecondomday.org. #Dance4Demand

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Maleficent (2014)

#inspirationalmovies

If you haven't seen Maleficent (2014, Robert Stromberg) yet, drop everything and go get it! If you have, this might be a nice moment to watch it again. And again. Because as far as Disney (and many more) movies go, this is as directly grrrl power and smash the patriarchy as it will probably ever get in the mainstream entertainment business*.

First of all, do not listen to those who call this a version of Sleeping Beauty. While Aurora is involved, this is a completely different story. One that makes more sense, I - without even being of the branch of eco-feminism and essentialism - would say.

The interpretation of the script that resonates with me is the basic idea that if you (violently) crush somebody's sense of self, their capacity to express themselves and enjoy the life, expect trouble. Applied to a girl-child with powers to revenge her loss magically - and, oh, so powerfully - here you have Maleficent.

The fact that the harm is inflicted by a man, masked behind a romantic interest, just makes it more close to reality for many survivors around the world, really. Jolie herself has spoken out both on gender-based violence and rape, and on possible parallels with it you can find in Maleficent. Yes, rape exists and you can start a conversation about it using this Disney movie.

And the good news are: people can heal when time and support is given. Yes, thank you, Disney!

Additional points go to the creators for making the prince to be against the idea of kissing an unconscious girl he barely knows. Great, the need for enthusiastic consent can be evoked right here! Even more, in this movie - as in Frozen (2013) - the real love is not the one coming from a prince on a white horse. Kudos, Disney, I'm very impressed!

* I hope that's not true and I shall see more and more explicitly feminist movies coming up where the pink princess culture was, but I don't hold my breath for that. Therefore enjoy this one as intensely as you can!

 

I ♥ Being a Girl people, Magdalena

Hi cuties!

My name is Magdalena Druid and I am just as bananas as I look!

SRHR has been my biggest passion for as long as I can remember, but when you are nine years young it is one of those interests that you tend to keep to yourself. When I started a new school in 2008 I decided that it was also going to be a new beginning and my chance to be all me. This led me to join RFSU (Swedish association for sexuality education) in my local RFSU group; RFSU Linköping. Soon I became active and joined the local board. I also participated in different trainings and became a peer educator within the project “Color of Love”. Since then not a day goes by without med breathing and living all things SRHR. A friend told me about YSAFE and I immediately fell in love with the whole idea of young people being in charge of these topics. Then I met all the wonderful activists, and I became hooked for life! I have now been a member of the YSAFE SC since feb 2013 and I have been the Vice chair since February this year. It is such a privilege to be a part of a network that has come such a long way and that will only continue to get even better.  

Those rare occasions when I have tome for something other than SRHR I love to read, hang out with awesome people and try to make the world a better place.

The world would be a better place if everybody would:

Realise that ALL people are the same.

Eat more chocolate.

Do more unexpected things that make them happy. (I for example attended a underwear party once, and it changed my life J ).

Before I’m 80, I’d like to have made a difference for the better in someone’s life. And I hope that I can look back at a life full of laughter, activism and really tasty food ^_^

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (1982)

#inspirationalmovies

For when you get tired of debating sex work policies, pondering on your views on porn and other types of adult entertainment - no, we are not having that discussion now - watch the most light-hearted sex work themed movie ever (at least from what I've seen): The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (1982, Colin Higgins).

It's pure US-made kitsch as only the 1980's were able to do it replete with cowboy dance numbers, songs and *good, clean fun* in the brothel run by the icon, the one and only Dolly Parton who gets in trouble because of religious bigots.

Leaving aside the whole sex work debate (do it someplace else), the strong points of the movie are:

+ A female entrepreneur fighting for her business and employees.

+ Two adults having a non-traditional form of organizing their romantic and sexual lives, which they are pressured to do because of the social perceptions of proper behviour.

+ A very precise depiction of the double standards of the crusaders for morality...

+ The chemistry between Dolly and Burt Reynolds is abundant, oh! uh!, fun to watch actors that 'click' doing the romance scenes.

+ An overall light and fun attitude towards sex and sexuality.

+ Who would have thought that this cheesy piece came from a movie centered around sex work?

I ♥ Being a Girl people, Ilze

Hey-ho folks!

My name is Ilze Leimane and this is my story!

There are thousands of things that can make me happy but three that always work are

TRAVELLING, VOLUNTEERING & LEARNING SOMETHING NEW

What brought me to I ♥ Being a Girl? The fact that I ♥ Being a Girl!
Once upon a time (5 years ago) I started to volunteer in  Latvia's Association For Family Planning and Reproductive Health which inspired me to educate myself more about the issues all over the world and one of them (with thousand sub-issues) is sexual and reproductive health and rights (SRHR). From the local I decided to go global. I have been volunteering in Europe and Asia, gained experience and inspiration to do something on this topic. For quite a while I am part of the YSAFE group where I have met dozen of inspiring people with the interest to improve the SRHR=Human rights.

Surely world be a better place if we would

• watch more documentaries over various topics. Here you can find bunch of them. Personally, my last favourite is Schooling The World (2010) 
• listen reggae, meditative and tribal music! And here is one great musician Asa (Asha)! You should get to know her!
• read more books as such! I recommenced Khaled Hosseini books (very strong, cruel and honest stories from the Afghanistan that won't let you go for a while after finishing the book). Also, you should read blogs, start with the I ♥ Being a Girl to make world a better place! One more recommendation is this blog. It's about the 20-years-old girl who is cycling around the world! Inspirational!
• step in a another man's shoes for a day. Just try and you will break many of your own prejudices and stereotypes!

There are millions of things I want to do before I am 80! I want to create something sustainable for the people around me and beyond, visit 6 continents and learn 6 languages, learn how to dance, how to play ukulele, how to balance! Live in African village at least for a year, return to Puducherry, live in a eco-village, change someone's life, overcome my fears, change my stereotypes and hike the Kilimanjaro! I want to be healthy and unstoppable! Proud, useful, happy and the most important - to have a choice!

Emotions are contagious, spread more positivity and good thoughts. It will affect other people who will affect more people. If you think that you are too small to change something, try sleeping with a mosquito in the same room.

Peace!

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Frida (2002)

#inspirationalmovies

There are many reasons to be obsessed with Frida Khalo. Her paintings, her life story, her activism, her style, her resilience... Frida (2002, Julie Taymor) offers a taste for all of it. It's a high-budget Hollywood interpretation, of course, and bound to be an interpretation after what's known about her life and what can be seen in her paintings through the prism of the director and many other people. And through the Frida Kahlo myth too, of course.

Nevertheless there are certain aspects of her life that are very clear.

• The use of personal, painful, often gendered experiences in creative expression, working through and with them (very similarly as Sylvia Plath, by the way). 
• The courage to embrace her roots and go beyond them at the same time. Her way of both painting and dress is clearly based on Mexican imagery, but then she takes it a step farther and makes it her very own.
• The wish to follow her desires, to act upon them. While this is not supposed to be always easy, there's no doubt that Frida's journey was an authentic one.  

Etc, etc... the internets are full of people - including us, of course - swooning over Frida's work and icon that the popular culture has turned her. Go, read some! But, whatever you read, keep in mind that, as somebody on tumblr said:

"Frida Kahlo was a disabled politically active woman of color who deliberately fucked with gender roles and don’t you ever forget it."

P.S. For the dessert, here's the story on her dresses: 1, 2.

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Summertime (1955)

#inspirationalmovie 

Just in time for August, another treat with Katharine Hepburn: Summertime (1955, David Lean). And exactly as it happens with many more classic - and contemporary - movies, there are several ways how you can read the plot. Our mission is emancipatory, so on that we shall focus...

1) A woman traveling solo to a country she does not know without speaking a word in its language. Already daring.

2) She is not young. Or breathtakingly beautiful. Or overly confident. But she's very excited to be doing things and going places.

3) She meets a person. And has lots of fun with them. While nobody is promising marriage or happily ever after.

4) After that, she takes a decision to stop a relationship that is not promising anything more than she has already seen. She leaves. To go back to her life. Because she has a life. For real.   

Obviously, all of this happens in a sauce of she wasn't really living until she met the right man, but - as we did with Roman Holiday (1953), which has a very very similar narrative - let's treat the love interest as a driver of empowerment and self-discovery instead of being a prince charming and a savior. Because in both of these movies (both set in Italy, curiously enough, the paragon of loose morals for 1950's Hollywood, apparently), the protagonists have romantic fun and then move on. With a bittersweet break-up, yes, but with little doubts about what they have to do and where are they going.

And before most of the above happens, this quote:

"Renato De Rossi: Listen to me! Stop behaving like a schoolgirl! What my wife does is not your business. What signora Fiorini does is not your business. You come here and what you do? You hide in a gondola and you sigh “Oh, Venice is so beautiful, so romantic! Oh, these Italians, so beautiful, so romantic! Such children!” and you dream of meeting someone you want: young, rich, witty, brilliant, and unmarried, of course! But me, I’m a shopkeeper, not young, not rich, not witty, not brilliant and married, of course. But I am a man, and you are a woman. But you see…it’s “wrong” it’s “wicked” it’s this, it’s that. You’re like a hungry child who is given ravioli to eat. “No!” you say, “I want beef steak!” My dear girl…you are hungry. Eat the ravioli.
Jane Hudson: I’m not that hungry.
Renato De Rossi: We are all that hungry, Miss Hudson."

Realizing your most authentic needs and fulfilling them is very important. And sometimes other people might help with that.

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Sylvia Plath movies

#inspirationalmovie

This is a tragic story. We've warned you. But it's also essential for your herstory knowledge and a very good way to empathize with the problematic of The Feminine Mystique, to understand the great drama of those women educated (therefore craving stimulus and self-realization) but confined to running a household and suffering whatever comes in order to keep up the appearances and keep the family together*.

We offer a double feature about the poet Sylvia Plath (1932-1963). Open her wikipedia page, scan through it, then start with the movie version of her acclaimed semi-autobiographical novel The Bell Jar (1963) - The Bell Jar (1979, Larry Peerce). A coming-of-age story gone sour is just what you need to observe the moment when the idealism and ambition (to become a renowned poet) clashes with the adult world. In this case the adult world implies dumbing things down for the audience of a women's magazine, men that think people owe them sex, fear of pregnancy, fear of the future, invasive and traumatic psychiatric treatment, the desire to disappear...

The novel is based on the experience Plath had while doing an internship in a New York magazine and her consecutive mental breakdown. A version about that summer in Sylvia's life can be read in Pain, Parties, Work: Sylvia Plath in New York, Summer 1953.

Then go on with Sylvia (2003, Christine Jeffs) covering Plath's career after the recovery, relationship with Ted Hughes, and suicide at the age of 30. While putting no stigma on Sylvia's history of mental health issues, the movie charts the path from poetry and love, through the hell of betrayal, inability to create and utter abandonment, back to writing from the darkest places of her experience and moving generations of people with the sheer force of her suffering. 

The relationship dynamics are pretty much the same as depicted in Hemingway & Gellhorn (2012) - full of the struggle to create, to get out of the shadow of a celebrity-partner and deal with their ego - just more intense and with a tragic ending.

* Here it is about running a household instead of doing anything else as a consequence of social norms requiring it (while offering almost no alternatives, and demanding that you become a wife and a mother primarily even if you are a great poet, scientist, dancer, doctor...). It is obviously not the same as being able to decide to dedicate yourself to caring because that's what resonates with your most authentic self.

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Fake Orgasm (2010)

#inspirationalmovies

Falso Orgasmo (2010) DOCUMENTAL from Hugolo on Vimeo.

While normally we do not mind spoilers (assuming that analysis = spoiler), this is an exception. Click "play" and watch this 2010 documentary on conceptual/performance artist Lazlo Pearlman. The title Fake Orgasm refers to one of his performance which included a fake orgasm competition... but that's just the beginning as he goes much farther exploring and demolishing the notions of gender, heteronormativity, gendered expectations in the bed and out of it.

If you are already familiar enough with the notion that gender binary is an anachronistic concept, this won't be that surprising, of course. But it can still give you ideas about possible work in bringing this message to other (unsuspecting) people and breaking down the cages that social constructs like this may be for people.  

There are some moments of Spanish spoken with no translation in this version, but you should be able to manage through it. All the crucial narrative is in English.