Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Victim (1961)

#inspirationalmovies

Retaking the theme of sexual diversity in restrictive cultures (well, at least more restrictive than others), here you have a historical gem: Victim (1961, Basil Dearden). While it's about men surrounded by men and women are just part of the context that refuses to accept and embrace (see Eyes Wide Shut (2009) for a contemporary twin and A Single Man (2009) for a depiction of the same era done recently), it still adds powerfully of the narrative of consequences of criminalization of consensual sexual behaviour among adults.

The movie as such - while depicting the horrors to what anti-sodomy laws may lead - is very progressive in the generalized message and surprises with that. It was 1961, think of that.

Also, the central marriage shown illustrates the importance of communication in the couple and mutual effort to understand each other. Obvious stuff, but still very important and not as widely practiced as needed.

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Dinner at Eight (1933)

#herstory

This one is educational instead of inspirational, be warned. Dinner at Eight (1933, George Cukor) is a manners comedy/drama and - despite having a marvelous ensemble of expressive actresses - not a feminist masterpiece. Nevertheless, it very clearly depicts the role of soft power that women have been relegated to in many times and places throughout the history, especially when separating her power inside the family and the expected persona of a sweet and demure wifey in public.

The cast does the job perfectly and - when everybody meets at the dinner table at eight, perfectly dressed and perfumed - almost none of the scheming and moving is visible.
Even more, the anxiety of the wives to influence and assure success (social and/or economic) is also to be understood in light of the realization that the husbands and their luck in business is all they have. Because, yes, you guessed right: it was believed to be unwomanly to work for a wage if that was avoidable. Think of the stress of being completely dependent and - supposedly - with no voting rights regarding the family finances! That's why Dinner at Eight ladies do their little secret planning and negotiations.

+ You get the adorable Jean Harlow as a very ambitious social climber! Power to her!

To remind that the ethos of scheming behind the partner's back in the family still hasn't died even in postindustrial societies, see, for example, My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002):

Thinking bit: the Empowering Advertisement, the oxymoron

Depending on where you live and what media you consume, you may have seen more or less of this rather confusing genre of advertisement. But they are all over the social media the next day causing a debate among allies over their pros and cons...

Below you can find three examples that came out quite recently and can serve as good enough illustrations to the puzzle that they are.

+ They call attention on a topic - how gendering character traits, hobbies, and professions hurt people (and knowledge driven societies) - to audiences that never venture to read the latest outrage in the feminist blogosphere. Therefore, much good may be had if viewing such an ad would lead to a reconsideration of the behavior of parents, teachers, etc.

- They serve to sell the products, obviously. And even in this very small sample the relevance of the products varies greatly. All menstrual hygiene products  - no matter the brand, the type, or even if they are industrially made (see this great practice from Nepal) - are crucial for women to be able to get out of the house and lead an active and participatory life (google "dignity packs" for this).
Still, it's mostly Always toying with what it means to be girly without ever linking it to the product. Then the shampoo and shiny hair would still actually playing into the "be (even more) perfect (with our product) (because people may discriminate you less if your hair is shiny)" dynamics. And then Verizon who tries to get you to buy their wireless because they are concerned about the proportion of women in STEM. Slightly confusing. I'm all for corporate responsibility, but I don't need corporations telling me the status quo of the structural discrimination of women.
The action - apart from better perception of the products - that they offer are "inspire more kids to get involved with STEM" and "ban bossy [from your vocabulary as an adult qualifying the behavior of girls]". Nice, but far from revolutionary. And nothing for the already grown-up shampoo users, from what I gather.

- If they invert the traditional, discriminatory narrative, telling us - once again - that all the stakes are against them, the this is a stereotype ridden world where you will be called either girly or bossy, pushy, vain, and pretty over smart or brilliant. Much more emphasis put on that instead of alternatives. Not fun. At all.

- There are accuracy gaps. The truth is not all rosy, of course, but there are ways how - without inventing stuff - all these ads could've been made using a positive narrative of different femininities, different ideas of success (including interest for science, leadership roles, and careers in STEM for those passionate in that direction) instead of clashing traditional feminine with traditional masculine, insisting that the traditional masculine is much more valuable and perceived as more valuable... and promising an eternal fight (and frustration) for equality. Thank you very much, I already get that from the news!

+ On the other hand, provided that we live bombarded by advertisments, most of them extremely toxic and sexist, I much prefer any of the below than any disgusting Snickers BS on the "natural" sexism of a well eaten builder.

 

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (1982)

#inspirationalmovies

For when you get tired of debating sex work policies, pondering on your views on porn and other types of adult entertainment - no, we are not having that discussion now - watch the most light-hearted sex work themed movie ever (at least from what I've seen): The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (1982, Colin Higgins).

It's pure US-made kitsch as only the 1980's were able to do it replete with cowboy dance numbers, songs and *good, clean fun* in the brothel run by the icon, the one and only Dolly Parton who gets in trouble because of religious bigots.

Leaving aside the whole sex work debate (do it someplace else), the strong points of the movie are:

+ A female entrepreneur fighting for her business and employees.

+ Two adults having a non-traditional form of organizing their romantic and sexual lives, which they are pressured to do because of the social perceptions of proper behviour.

+ A very precise depiction of the double standards of the crusaders for morality...

+ The chemistry between Dolly and Burt Reynolds is abundant, oh! uh!, fun to watch actors that 'click' doing the romance scenes.

+ An overall light and fun attitude towards sex and sexuality.

+ Who would have thought that this cheesy piece came from a movie centered around sex work?

Thinking bit: Bodies (the summer edition)

Again and again... We are bombarded with images of unattainable beauty standards and quite toxic ideas of beauty all day long. And just time by time somebody comes along and offers a (at least slightly) different message.

Meghan does not go as far as I'd like, though. There's still the wish to cash in on antagonizing skinny vs. curvy, implying that there's something wrong with being slim, using dancers of color as props, the fact that she is still conventionally pretty just bigger, and the pastel colors may just not be for you... But well, it's a pop video! Every little step towards a more diverse body-scene out there is welcome.

The tag line - Every inch of you is perfect, from the bottom to the top! - can, of course, be criticized due to the fact that it is exactly the pursuit of unattainable perfection that keeps many of us down, that the real win here would actually be accepting that each body is different and be happy and loving with the one you've got.

But take for what it is - a bouncy summery pop song - that may be just right for the moment when you decide to stop worrying and complaining about the body you live in. The moment to put on something you feel comfortable in and that's adequate for the temperature out there and have fun. Yes, with bikinis*, shorts, ice cream, and all of that jazz!

 * A great source of fatkini inspiration can be found reading Virgie Tovar and GabiFresh.
All bodies = bikini bodies. Have a swimsuit and a body? Put one on the other. Voilà, enjoy!

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Gay men in homophobic cultures

#inspirationalmovies

While these are not an obvious part of our repertoire, they still make sense to be watched from a feminist and I Being a Girl perspective. Even though cis-men are at the center of these movies, and women is only a backdrop for their drama and passion, it still emanates from no other place than patriarchy and the obsession with controlling the sexual and amorous lives of people.

So, today's offer is two movies that look into the lives of gay men in culturally very restrictive contexts: A Single Man (2009, Tom Ford) and Eyes Wide Open (2009, Haim Tabakman). Set in two very different but undoubtedly socially controlling places - 1960's USA and nowadays Israel among the Orthodox Jews - both of them tell the dramatic tale of how even male privilege won't save you if you transgress the code of sexual morality.

Of, course there are differences. The aesthetics, trying to be true to time and place depicted, are very different. Eyes Wide Open adds a religious restriction where A Single Man deals with a more secular type of institutionalized homophobia. It is loss of a loved one when you are not really allowed to mourn vs. the discovery of lust where it's strictly forbidden and harshly punished. Nevertheless, the main theme is the social pressure to negate ones real desires and feelings in order to keep up with what's esteemed to be proper and moral. And what that does to people.

One of the lesbian versions of the same story would be Fire (1996, Deepa Mehta), already covered before here. 

Thinking bit: Strip the (beauty) pressure

Our very good friend Smaranda (the one most responsible for the Inspirations e-book ) suggested that we share this here, and we salute the tip-off!

So, what this experienced and professional lady named Tracey Spicer is suggesting is... yes, taking it off! And not in pole-dancing-will-empower-you way, no. Instead it's about acknowledging how much time women (and men to some extent, yes, but that's a lesser order of magnitude) spend preparing their exteriors before they go and do things. And how many more things you can do if you decide to dedicate your time to things that actually bring pleasure, knowledge, fun, whatever...

The empowerment recipe here: rethink your time spent on grooming, ask why you do what you do and is it worth it, and then reclaim a bit of your utterly human freedom by shedding the unnecessary.

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Ghost World (2001) vs. The Help (2011)

#InspirationalMovies

Compensating for last week, here we are with a double feature and an almost contradictory message. It is Ghost World (2001, Terry Zwigoff) vs. The Help (2011, Tate Taylor).

Both might result triggering and problematic (nerdiness, cruelty, whiteness, self-righteousness are all featured) but this is not why we are bringing them up. We are bringing these two together because there you have the forever dilemma - especially felt by women in certain situations but universal still - between fitting in and daring to be different.

And those two movies are antithesis to each other: while The Help is exploring the impulses that makes one to step out and stand her ground about one's core beliefs, although it may imply social sanctions, Ghost World introduces you to Enid and Rebecca who, having spent years curating their weirdness and marginalization in the realms of formal education, are negotiating a re-entering into the world of normal.

The morals is the following: trying to find strength to be as authentic as you wish and courage to change if you feel that the previous you is somehow outdated and needs an update. Transformation is human. It's really OK. As is questioning, searching, and not really knowing.

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Easy A (2010)

#InspirationalMovies #Virginities

Well, this is tricky. A US-made fake-virginities and slut-shaming movie with actors much older than they should have been... Nevertheless, we still recommend you watch Easy A (2010, Will Gluck).

It won't give you any answers but might serve to start to talk about the meaning of virginities and the I'm-not-a-prude-but-not-a-slut-either paradox, about rumors and LGBTQI bullying, about the roles that parents and friends should have in our lives, about sex work, about the counseling services available, the hard-core morality (anti-choice, broadly seen) groups... almost all of the (youth) sex-related issues present in our daily life and discussions.

Use this a conversation starter with yourself or your youth group. Easily digestible and mainstream while packed with ideas for discussion.

A big + for the movie - although slightly out of the believable age group - is the amazing Emma Stone.

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (2008)

#InspirationalMovie

This week's offer is a growing-up feel-good. What you have in Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (2008, Peter Sollett) is two rather marginalized young people melomaniacs stuck in toxic relationships (not with each other). And what it does is to follow them through a one night road trip around New York City in a capricious Yugo dealing with exes, friends, and strangers, and looking for a mysterious indie band.

Sweet? Yes. Cute? Yes. Believable? Well... Relatable? Defintely.

Empowerment lesson? It is completely OK much better being single than being stuck with people who hurt you. And while it doesn't mean waiting for the right one and such, it means that spending time with people that treat you well and appreciate you for who you are is the path to happiness.

A little + : Kat Dennings is not as skinny as most of the young actresses around, so, yay for at least some body diversity! 

The "Sexy Lie" about objectification of Women

#Objectification #Empowerment

Back to the body-talk. Here we have Caroline Heldman talking about the false friendship between sexual objectification and empowerment. This comes from the very innocent (and true!) idea that embracing previously imposed norms can be empowering, that, if done for authentic and personal reasons, sparkles, sprinkles and monogamy can be radical lifestyles choices (the last one, as suggested by Tristan Taormino).

Nevertheless, it has become very twisted in order to sell us back both submission and a gazillion of consumer goods we don't need. Caroline is talking about the crudest form of all: treating the female body as a marketing tool and/or a merchandise. And she offers how to get all those things out of your head: stop consuming brain-washers! stop being your own and other women's body police! and invest that freed energy in something cool!

An additional reading: The Myth of Empowerment very clearly answering if every choice women make is to be treated like an empowering (therefore inherently feminist) choice by Clementine Ford.

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Como agua para chocolate (1992)

#InspirationalMovie

While Como agua para chocolate (1992, Alfonso Arau) might seem just another period piece about love and customs, it is not so. Based on a  novel of Laura Esquivel, Like Water for Chocolate: A novel in monthly installments with recipes, romances and home remedies (1992), it mixes the traditional Western love story with a healthy dose of magical realism.

It analyzes - as good period pieces should - the pressures that social customs place(d) on people. And seeing in detail how women were coping with the fact that submission and passivity were expected from them and the very reality of being a person. With feelings, emotions, desires, and dreams.

As legions of women have done throughout the history, the heroine here finds solace in cooking and breaking free time-by-time (baby steps, you know). Her cooking, though, goes beyond that of your and our grandmothers... because Tita's cooking is magic: the food she prepares transmits her feelings, therefore she can make the whole wedding-crowd cry and people twirl of pleasure at the dinner table.

Sunday is for horizons: Caitlin Moran

This week we suggest you get your hands on How to Be a Woman by Caitlin Moran. And you might want to read exactly because of what it's not.

This book is not a "how to become a [perfect] woman [like I am]" type of shit that will drown you in tips how to wash red wine stains and get along with your mother-in-law. No. No-no-no.

This is not one of those glossy and fake "auto biographies" that's not much more than celebrity gossip and "gosh, I've been lucky and hard-working". No-no.

How to Be a Women is very honest. And touching. And funny. And smart. And very normal. That kind of normal that resonates. The dramas of growing up and becoming a woman person. Dealing with the everyday bullshit, including the everyday sexist bullshit.

Take this book for a trip. Pick it up in those wacky (normally) airport bookstores. It may turn an 8 hour flight into a life-changing experience. Or at least make it a fun and bearable experience.

Below you can find a taste of Caitlin in a 5-part interview. We warn it that this is not as profound as the book. Same as her Times columns, that's the work of a nonchalant broadcaster, TV critic and columnist and Twitter fan (@caitlinmoran). You get a much more thoughtful and closer Caitlin in the How to Be a Woman. Just sayin'.

Sunday is the day when #GirlsDecide: Hosna

This time we travel to Bangladesh to meet Hosna* and hear about her decision making journey. She tells us about her fears regarding an early marriage and looks for a way to make an autonomous decision about her future, while involving her community and changing some of the customs.

Bodies: Coming Out!

#bodypositive

If you would treat your friends as you treat your body,

you wouldn't have any left. 

The radical idea to come out about your body, letting everybody know that you know it's there, that you acknowledge it and that you will live with it. Just let that idea explode in your mind!

And, although both videos featured are about fatness, this coming out can be about any feature that you might have felt like keeping in closet, hoping nobody sees it. Let it out, love and embrace it!

Yes, that is hard. Yes, we have been brainwashed since forever. But try babysteps: 1, 2.

Both videos were found via It Gets Fatter!

Let the bodies be!

Yes, somehow we have ended up speaking about the Dove campaigns again...

Stumbled across a post in BBC News called Five photos that sparked body image debates. Fair enough. The message? The usual one. Do what you want people will never like actual bodies. The bodies not being allowed to be what they actually are - vehicles. Very diverse vehicles if you look for differences. And very similar vehicles if you compare them to anything else. Facts of life.

They have to be about something else. Like, sexualization of the pregnant. Or being too fat, too thin, too short, too hairy... blah, blah, blah.

Mind that the only male among the 5 cases reviewed is a person with disability that took the Body for Life challenge and ended up with a body many people did not believed to be real.

All the women featured have suffered media-storms of not being perfect enough (as they say, "only decades earlier maternity dresses tended to sport large bows at the neck to direct attention away from the baby bump - and the mother's femininity"; no the naked pregnant famous lady photos were not normal before 1991).

It's about being too real. Too exposed. Too vulnerable.

And, yes, the story is about media and fashion industry as those are cases of outrages about people with public female bodies. As Demi Moore. As Lizzie Miller. As Isabelle Caro. And not yet touching the question how that spirit of body-watch, that constant scrutiny affects all of us.

While it's perfectly fine to take pictures while you are pregnant. While we are happy about every model that have some body fat (although it's unclear why they are specially marked as +models). And while anorexia might certainly be a dangerous and very painful thing to deal with.

...it is not OK to police bodies.

Poetry time: For the Men Who Still Don't Get It

Sunday Afternoon on White Crest Beach (1984) by Carol Diehl

"What if all women were bigger and stronger than you?

And thought they were smarter?

What if women were the ones who started wars?

What if too many of your friends had been raped by women wielding giant dildos and no K-Y Jelly?

What if the state trooper who pulled you over on the New Jersey Turnpike was a woman and carried a gun?

What if the ability to menstruate was the prerequisite for most high-paying jobs?

What if your attractiveness to women depended on the size of your penis?

What if every time women saw you they'd hoot and make jerking motions with their hands?

What if women were always making jokes about how ugly penises are and how bad sperm tastes?

What if you had to explain what's wrong with your car to big sweaty women with greasy hands who stared at your crotch in a garage where you are surrounded by posters of naked men with hard-ons?

What if men's magazines featured cover photos of 14-year-old boys with socks tucked into the front of their jeans and articles like: "How to tell if your wife is unfaithful" or "What your doctor won't tell you about your prostate" or "The truth about impotence"?

What if the doctor who examined your prostate was a woman and called you "Honey"?

What if You had to inhale your boss's stale cigar breath as she insisted that sleeping with her was part of the job?

What if You couldn't get away because the company dress code required you wear shoes designed to keep you from running?

And what if after all that women still wanted you to love them?"

For the Men Who Still Don't Get It by Carol Diehl (1, 2)

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Dirty Dancing (1987)

Yes, you are allowed to be surprised. Dirty Dancing (1987, Emile Ardolino) might seem to be the close-to-last movie when it comes to empowerment if you haven't really stopped to think about it. Yes, it is about the very sexist dancing industry that teaches you how to bend your wrists in a feminine way. And, yes, it is the all over good-girl-falling-for-the-bad-guy story. Sort of.

But then again, it is a story of a young woman breaking away from the taught perfection of being the ideal daughter and decides to grow up. By doing things. By daring. By challenging her parents and other authority figures. By dancing. By learning to live with her body. By having sex with a man she wants to and doing it on her own terms. That is a whole lot of things.

Also, there are subplots of class conflicts, on the importance of intergenerational communication, on the importance of the access to safe and legal abortion, on how complex (and counterproductive) is to - contrary to what Baby does - to try to use sex and virginities as means to maintain somebody's attention/affection...

+ The soundtrack is really cute. Go, download it from the internets!

And if it's not enough for you, read a whole essay on the topic by Melissa McEwan in the Guardian: Dirty Dancing, Feminist Masterpiece.

Now, think again while we dance away.

 

Educating girls is smart, for girls

Education is good for girls. Full stop. Now repeat it again and again. While standing on a chair or any other elevated object, preferably.

Because, as much as we love Girl Effect or any other efforts promoting empowerment of girls and women, at least some of the feminine mystique around investing in girls has to go. Education for girls is good not because they give all their money back to their family afterwards while boys with the same education will not. The very fact that the boys would not support their families equally is profoundly alarming, and a clear sign of structural disadvantage for girls.

So, education for girls for girls' sake we say. 

New! I [heart] Being a Girl Short Film 2012

Hi, 

We have spent all summer guarding this as our most precious (oh, the Precious!) secret. Below you can find a short video of what has become I ♥ Being a Girl perspective. 

We have dedicated some time (more than 2 years) talking about what are the phenomena of the socialization of girls that we actually enjoy. Be it Spice Girls as role models, frilly dresses, shopping, silly movies... It's OK. We have been taught that these are some of the things girls enjoy, we have tried them and found them to be enjoyable. Our first short film was dedicated to this (and you can still watch it here).

This video is different. It is still based on testimonies and everyday experiences of how it is to be a girl. Just that this one goes one step further than the previous one as we speak about autonomy, authentic choices and that journey when you discover what are the things / activities / people that touch your most inner being. And makes you happy.

Happy International Day of the Girl Child,

xoxo