Friendship is The Answer

Since 2011, 30 of September is the International Day of Friendship. This day was proclaimed by the United Nations General Assembly with the idea that friendship between peoples, countries, cultures and individuals can inspire peace efforts and build bridges between communities. 

"On this International Day of Friendship, let us cultivate warm ties that strengthen our common humanity and promote the well-being of the human family. "

UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon

We can find countless stories that are turned into poems, books, movies, series, pictures, drawings and paintings about all kind of friendships. Friendship is something very primitive and relatable to most of the people in all cultures, ages and layers of the society. I know what is friendship, you know what is friendship and a person from another continent who comes from rural village also knows what is friendship. It has a power to unite and it is a very strong tool to encourage other people. A single friendship between two people can be life changing for many.
Instead of cultivating prejudices and hate towards new and unknown by hiding under the words "hate" and "enemies" we should want to understand and befriend it - either people, views or beliefs. Same advice works for individuals as well as conflicts in the world.
Friendship can be used as a great tool for women empowerment worldwide. Instead of connecting to other women and telling them what to do we should simply be supporting, understanding friends who give good advice. A good friend can help to become more confident and self conscious more than an inspiring article or video online. All we have to do is to take good care of the girls and women around us instead of criticizing each for our looks or behavior.
We are very diverse in the world and activists in some cultures want to appear as superior when it comes to feminism and gender equality. These activists are strongly convinced and are trying to convince the rest of the world that "we are right and you have to follow our example". Confidence is awesome and these actions are mostly driven by good intentions but it tends to patronize and discriminate activists from developing countries with the same views. And it is discouraging. That's why it is so important to have friends that are coming from different backgrounds, cultures and religions so we can unite and fight the real problems not each other!



Talking about good friendships...look IHBG team is growing, changing and moving around! Recently we met in Brussels, had amazing days together to refresh our knowledge and learn more about sexual and reproductive health and rights, communication, advocacy and plan new activities! Meantime we found few new and amazing friends so keep tuned to find out more!

And don't forget:
Happiness is only real when shared
J. Krauker

Happy International Day of Friendship!
Always yours,
IHBG

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Turn Left at the End of the World (2004)

#inspirationalmovies

Somehow I've got the impression that there are more coming-of-age stories about boys than girls... and that's why the effort here is to pay attention to the ones telling the stories of girls, and preferably not only those made in USA. As a result of that, here you have Turn Left at the End of the World (2004, Avi Nesher).

The plot is that of an encounter of two girls - both immigrants in 1960's Israel - and forging a friendship while sailing the troubled waters of deciding futures, bending cultural restrictions, falling in love, discovering that people might not be the ones you believed them to be... the usual growing up stuff that hurts so much at the moment.

The most similar of our past suggestions is Towelhead (2007). Turn Left... is a much milder version of the cultural and sexual tensions, though. Sara and Nicole - the central characters of Turn Left... - are almost grown-ups themselves and in position to negotiate their lives with much more agency than little Jasira, despite the fact that the time and place depicted is supposedly so much more conservative.

Plus points are gained with:
- Scene of female masturbation (still too rare in movies).
- Depiction of a close friendship that's intense and sensual but does not enter the territory of a full-blown romance. Romance is good (see Show Me Love (1998) for that, by the way), of course. Nevertheless, there's a whole vast area of attractions and intimacies that happen in friendships that balance on becoming a love affair but never get there, and it's nice to see them depicted in cinema.

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: The Witches of Eastwick (1987)

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You can, of course, analyze the classical piece that The Witches of Eastwick (1987, George Miller) is as a tale of seduction and revenge. But that's by far to easy... there's so much nuance in this + the perfect ending.

As I've claimed before, love interest, romance and passionate affairs can be - and often are, especially in cinema - the vehicles of empowerment and emancipation. This narrative can be rather predictable and slightly overused, but, hey, if the authors know how to show that it's not the man that has to be central to one's life in order to transform but an relationship offering an alternative mode of doing things that has a capacity to change people. Can be friendships. And can be romance. See examples here, here, here among many more. 
Yes, it is a heteropatriarchal way of constructing female emancipation. But better this than none, provided that the protagonists know what they are doing!

And The Witches... offer much more than just emancipation via Jack Nicholson.
You get the friendship that's prior to scandal and that remains afterwards. You get sexual emancipation based in pleasure and indulgence in bodies. You get creativity and playfulness. And you get the healthy realization that some things have gone too far and have to be gotten rid of.
It's a John Updike novel after all.

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Tomboy (2011)

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It may be very difficult for older people to admit, but the life of young - and very young - can be extremely complex. Classical literature is full of examples, but today's one is a recent French cinema gem.

Tomboy (2011, Céline Sciamma) offers a moving story about trying to fit in better in your own body while living in an extremely gendered world.

It will (well, it could, if you'll let it) get you thinking about:
- How little external appearance tells you about people. And how - at the same time - you should respect the signals people are sending. Even if that takes you into an uncharted territory (even beyond gender binary, uh oh).
- How much inner drama and struggle is brought up when you realize that you should make serious adjustments in order to fit in. Especially if you feel that you cannot share that with anybody. Especially if people assume that you are too young to have any coherent idea about what's going on.
- How beyond the "oh, children are so cruel" stands nothing more than the boxed thinking of the adults transmitting certain notions. You cannot expect little children - those people still just ordering basic ideas about human life - to question and bend the old toxic ideas right away. Adults should lead by example.

It's bittersweet, short, and very touching. What else do you need?

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Alice in Wonderland (1951; 2010)

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A double treat. Now, obviously, there are some significant differences between Disney's Alice in Wonderland (1951) and Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland (2010).

Disney's Alice is a family-friendly musical basically and only suffering depicted is Alice's existential anguish (+ cards/guards being carried away to be executed + the tension around the naive oysters + some cartoon-like violence). And you get singing/gossiping flowers, the adorable Dormouse, Dinah and the gullible oysters, the rather bipolar Caterpillar, etc...while the basic narrative could be "a girl wonders off and explores a bit". It's not as deep nor dense as the original books, but gives you a somewhat glamoured-up and coloured version of Alice-logic and Wonderland-logic.

Burton's version sequel of the classical story is much darker, much more violent and decisive... in the sense of bringing political power play, oppression, real insanity, death into the picture. The characters that were slightly off the hinge when Alice was young (read: in the books and the Disney movie) have gone quite awry and scary. And - as in most of the bring in the savior stories - Alice's duty (while nobody asked her if she wanted to have such) is to save their world/put the correct monarch in place.

The final verdict is as follows: Disney's Alice is a fun classic, an older and very white version of Dora the Explorer, about a girl enjoying her fantasy world; Burton's Alice is the over-and-over retold story of an unexpected child savior (see The Chronicles of Narnia, The Neverending Story, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, among many others). The only perk is the fact that he has interwoven that with the Alice narrative and explored Carroll's fantasy world and its creatures. Therefore, you pretty much have to be familiar with the books or the 1951 movies (as the golden standard among all the Alice-films) to understand where Burton comes from.
The old one is much better and you should know it by heart (the whole thing on giving yourself useful advices while challenging the rules of those around you, speaking truth to power, trying to balance being polite and not putting up with BS). Burton's Alice is interesting mostly just for his fans. And, well, yes, due to the fantasy world being offered as an escape from dreadful existence as female in Victorian England.  

 

On a lighter note, here you have the tune & video that Pogo has made from Disney's Alice. The singing flowers and such.

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Spirited Away (2001)

#inspirationalmovies 

Spirited Away (2001, Hayao Miyazaki) goes into the same box as much of children's adventure. Like Dorothy or like Sarah, Chihiro finds herself in a situation that requires her to become a better person than she has been so far and a braver one, too.
And somewhat more like Baby, she's challenged to stand up for people she loves (with no sexual connotations though, this is a PG animation apt for children).

According to Academy Awards, this is the best movie of Miyazaki (won the Oscar as best animation in 2003) who has been creating meaningful girl characters and girl-centered films throughout his professional life (see Nausicaä, Satsuki and Mei, Kiki, or Sophie). Probably the most convincing feature of them all is the multidimensional humanness (the one that Disney princesses lack to some extent).
Chihiro - and other characters, like the adorable witch twin-sisters - is cranky, capricious, and indecisive at times. They are not the same with all the people. They are angry, afraid, hungry... Like anybody, you know. And still they have the most breathtaking, epic adventures.

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Made in Dagenham (2010)

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Made in Dagenham (2010, Nigel Cole) is a dramatization of the strike that brought "the Equal Pay Act 1970, the first legislation in the UK aimed at ending pay discrimination between men and women, and the first such legislation in the world".

While you can read more in wikipedia and your history books, here you have a very nice and uplifting version. It shows the tensions that collective action creates (and sure created when striking wasn't something that feminized professions did), and the overt discrimination, patronizing and economic exploitation to be experienced by women that led to the strike. Even more, a prominent place is dedicated to our ever alive foe of second shift and the double standard that is expected from working men and women. Nevertheless, there are also  pretty dresses 60's dresses, the spirit of female friendship and solidarity, and happy ending*.

Made for those Friday nights when your drive for activism and feministing is down and needs a boost. Made in Dagenham will do the job.

* Well, the ending is relatively happy as in the EU28 we are still some 16% on average below the male wage (and some more in US and other places), see the chart for 2012 data below.

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Girl Superheroines

#inspirationalmovies 

Again and again, a disclaimer first. Yes, superhero movies are mostly already problematic. Lots of violence, lots of sexism. But being part of the popular culture, some inspiration can be drawn from the genre. Assuming you'd be obliged to look for superheroine movies, here is our take on those.

First of all, the stereotypical. Say hello to Kick-Ass (2010) and Kick-Ass 2 (2013). Apart from the extremely tough character of Mindy Macready / Hit-Girl there's not much going on for these movies. Flat, explicitly violent (rated R both of them) and quite boring. Gender-based jokes are less than tasteful and the whole genre could be classified as traditional superheroes meet mean girls.
Anyways, you may want to bear through those just to realize how bad the superhero thing is when it comes to heroines*.

And this is the place where the invitation to go back to our childhood goes. Powerpuff Girls (1998-2005) as a somewhat healthy alternative. In order to convince you, the laborious people of buzzfeed.com have compiled a whole list of the reasons why "The Powerpuff Girls Could Have Replaced Your Gender Studies Class". Some of the reasons include, obviously, the fact they do not fit the "sugar, spice and blah-blah stereotype", had a male primary caregiver, did (together with many other characters) drag and dress-up, etc. And they fought patriarchy -in their cutesy and drawn baby-girl way - as they fought villains.

* Yes, Hunger Games are on and will be featured eventually. No, Catwoman or other female characters from different Batman movies do not count. The saddest of recent takes on women and superpowers ever was probably Watchmen (2009).

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Sex and the City (1998-2004)

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OK, OK... this is one of those you never thought of this as being a feminist piece. Again. And each of those surprises have their own special reasons. Sex and the City, the series (1998-2004) is no exception (add the moves to this at your own risk).

An innovation when it comes to drama-comedy long term series. A series with 4 women as the central characters. A nonchalant attitudes about sex. Life beyond sex and men, like, emm, jobs. Outrageous dresses. Non-perfect women. So on...

Obviously, it can be annoying, stereotype-ish... Yes.
Here's the trick - and read the article linked below, it does a better job at explaining it - too many people all around the world took it as a how to be and what to strive for look-book.
In many most cases it's a visualization of how not to (the obsessions with looking for the perfect partner, making up drama for drama's sake, etc). Take it as a meditation of the flaws of the sexual and romantic liberation of women who are still brainwashed into looking for the right one while wearing dangerously high heels and managing professional lives.

If we can't convince you to give a second watch to Sex and the City, maybe this Emily Nussbaum's article will convince you about its special place in the pop history: Difficult Women. How “Sex and the City” lost its good name.

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Picnic at Hanging Rock (1975)

#inspirationalmovies

This is not a directly inspirational movie. It's one of those that show the dark and eerie side of the traditional femininity. Picnic at Hanging Rock (1975, Peter Weir) is a mystery piece with little intention to be empowering.

Nevertheless, being a story on a all-girl boarding school in 1900's Australia where the notion of being lady like in all circumstances reigns (based on a novel by Joan Lindsay), it cannot escape but to portray the restrictive nature of such life. It's a life where taking off your gloves in a hot day is already a rebellion. And taking a walk - a dangerous adventure.

Instead of treating it as a mystery piece, watch it as a metaphor of the female condition, so severe and unfulfilling that disappearing may seem like a good idea.  

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Babette's Feast (1987)

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This is a special treat. Continuing with work of Karen Blixen, this is motion picture is based on her novella with the same name. So here you have a very severe Danish countryside, autonomous decisions to be made and both independence and solidarity to be had. Austerity as life style choice and cooking as a creative, artistic expression. Embraced via informed decision.

While the story touches several rather triggering points when it comes to religious piety vs. bodily and emotional pleasures, it does convey the life lesson regarding the pleasure. Le plaisir c'est bon por la santé. It's good for you! When it's a conscious decision to indulge and you do accept the consequences, of course. Enjoy!

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953)

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OK, so this one has to be explained.

So, do we suggest that Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953, Howard Hawks) can be a feminist inspiration? Yes. Is it that obvious? No.

First of all, the title of this musical and feel-good-fun-piece is totally misleading. It's not about gentlemen and what they prefer. This is a feature of what do girls want and how they get it.

Obviously, exaggerated and containing some not that inspirational puns (thinks of the 1950's gender ethos in general), but still it's them - the amazing and beautiful Jane Russell and Marilyn Monroe - who move the script. And the solutions of the difficulties (there had to be, because no difficulties = no plot) come from their resourcefulness and intelligence. And their erotic capital, too, yes.

It is just anthropologically how a message of female supremacy emerges in a totally sexist setting. Not that we agree with any gender-based supremacies, but you have to admit the weirdness of the message. So here you have a wrongly wrapped anthem to blondes and brunettes getting what they want, both honestly and with some cunning. And almost never engaging in mutual slut-shaming while doing it, bravo!

Plus, of course the fact the both of them are curvy and believable-bodied. And below you can find an excerpt of some of the objectification of the male body going on in the movie, for a change.

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: 17 Filles (2011)

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Well, this is a controversial and complex one. The outline may seem bizarre and basis of an absurd comedy, once you are presented with an introduction that "when Camille accidentally becomes pregnant, 16 of her friends and classmates decide to follow suit, throwing their town and school into chaos...", nevertheless, 17 Filles (2011, Delphine Coulin & Muriel Coulin) brings the conversation on teen pregnancy beyond what you have seen before.

This is not Juno (2007) with it's ups and downs being still framed in complete security and parental support, the pregnancy being a result of boredom. These French girls - and the movie is based on a somewhat true story that happened in Gloucester, Massachusets in 2008 - use sex/pregnancy as one of the ways to gain agency and control over their lives. The fantasy that rises from one unplanned pregnancy leads to a vision of independence and communal life based on shared maternity away from the parental control and not-promising-at-all future of their town.

While, of course, there's a lot of content to challenge - the instrumentalization of sex ignoring the dimension of pleasure, the absence of parents or their male peers sex partners, the reckless driving, smoking and drinking while pregnant, and the outlandish view that a life with a baby would be somehow easier - it comes back to haunt you exactly on how it questions the narrative of teen pregnancy that we are used to.
You watch the girls while they look for things in their lives: to do, to be, to strive towards... in a confusing, rather lonely world where suddenly something so basic and so contrarian to everything they have been warned about as pregnancy (with no sentimental strings attached to the biological fathers) suddenly seems like a good idea that would get them out of the slump of adolescence and make them adults.

Just to keep in mind that teen pregnancies do not come just from not knowing the biological consequences of sex. It is a much more complex conundrum of things that we should be working with... So, enjoy!

BTW, at the moment there is somebody on YouTube that has uploaded the entire movie, so you may take advantage while it lasts...

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Mean Girls (2004)

#inspirationalmovies

This, as some other of our suggestions - like Dirty Dancing (1987), for example - may seem unlikely to be labelled as feminist inspiration.

But we insist that Mean Girls (2004, Mark Waters), the girl-on-girl hate classics for those who have grown up in the 2000's, does offer at least some empowering life lessons:

a) You do not need men to perpetuate the patriarchy. The whole thing - as heteronormative and fallocentric as it gets - can be going on with the objects of the rat race being completely oblivious to the fact that friendships, sanity and intelligence is sacrificed for entering in a couple.

b) Playing dumb (or different) is a strategy that doesn't work in long term. And it hurts your most authentic self. Not worth it.

c) The urge to be part of a group, to have social capital is a (social) life or death issue among adolescents (it may get better with the age, not always, though). Trying to be cool is hard enough... and bullying exists, especially the body-, gender- and sexual orientation-related one. And it takes a lot to try to get over that and hope on that it gets better.
This is to be taken into account when trying to intervene and change the behaviour. 

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: Ghost World (2001) vs. The Help (2011)

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Compensating for last week, here we are with a double feature and an almost contradictory message. It is Ghost World (2001, Terry Zwigoff) vs. The Help (2011, Tate Taylor).

Both might result triggering and problematic (nerdiness, cruelty, whiteness, self-righteousness are all featured) but this is not why we are bringing them up. We are bringing these two together because there you have the forever dilemma - especially felt by women in certain situations but universal still - between fitting in and daring to be different.

And those two movies are antithesis to each other: while The Help is exploring the impulses that makes one to step out and stand her ground about one's core beliefs, although it may imply social sanctions, Ghost World introduces you to Enid and Rebecca who, having spent years curating their weirdness and marginalization in the realms of formal education, are negotiating a re-entering into the world of normal.

The morals is the following: trying to find strength to be as authentic as you wish and courage to change if you feel that the previous you is somehow outdated and needs an update. Transformation is human. It's really OK. As is questioning, searching, and not really knowing.

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: 4 luni, 3 saptamâni si 2 zile (2007)

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This is one of the harsh transformational movies. One of those that leads you through powerful emotional experiences in order to emerge being a better, more aware person.  
4 luni, 3 saptamâni si 2 zile (2007, Christian Mungiu) takes you through the drama surrounding illegal and unsafe abortion. The unbelief. The shame. The risks. The silence. The need for a social network to rely upon. And a frequent absence of it.

The movie is a masterpiece. It will make you feel very present and actually live through experiences of Gabita and Otilia. And after having watched it you will have very few questions about abortion (yes, safe and available for everybody who needs it) and several regarding friendship, sacrifice, hypocrisy, patriarchy and the (very fragile) autonomy of a female body. 

Friday is the (Inspirational) Movie Night: the Deepa Mehta elements trilogy

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Director Deepa Mehta is one of our hero(ine)s. And her elements trilogy covers many of the themes we are deeply interested in. The XX century and how modernization has changed the ways we look at love, marriage, and tradition. The emancipation of women, and clashes with people who didn't think it was a good idea. The pain and exclusion, and also deep satisfaction that following your heart may bring...

Water (2005) takes us to the India of 1930's and deep into the restrictions that patriarchy imposes on women, widows in this case. The conundrum of arranged (child) marriage, women becoming possessions of their husbands, and then completely marginalized in case of the death of the husband... changed by the innocence of a child that hasn't assumed the tradition yet.

Earth (1998) takes us to the partition of India (1940's), a moment of religious and political violence where love finds it hard to survive in it's clashes with political and traditional loyalties.

Fire (1996), set later on in the XX century, reminds that marriage can still be arranged and that forms of acceptable love are still dictated by the tradition and the law, including some of them and excluding other ones. 

girls + changes, or Holly dyed her hair...

"The myth of female frailty tells us that when a young woman starts exploring her dark side, she’s begun down a very dangerous road that could have life-damaging consequences. Obviously, if she starts shooting heroin, that’s true. But Holly — like so many other teen girls whose fascination with darkness is made manifest — isn’t doing anything life-threatening. She’s started reading Kerouac and Inga Muscio instead of Vogue and Seventeen, she’s getting showered and dressed and out of the house in less than half the time it took her a year before. This is healthy as can be — and yet it’s genuinely terrifying to many of the folks around her. Fed by a culture that falls all over itself with (often faux) expressions of concern about teen girls, many of her friends — and some of the adults in her life — are scared that Holly’s gonna “do something stupid now” and “ruin her life.”"

An excerpt from Hugo Schwyzer's inspirin blogpost Holly dyed her hair: more on myths of female frailty, our fear of women's anger, and what happens when the truth comes out

And as further reading I can certainly suggest Eve Ensler's book I Am an Emotional Creature

(as we all have seen the I ♥ Being a Girl video)

Inspirational movies: Evening (2007)

Evening (2007) is a more than your usual chick flick... Set paralelly in 1950s US and nowadays it explores the mother-daughter relationships, female friendship, making important life choices and living with them afterwards, pursuing your dreams and trying to do what you feel like even if the spirit of your time or rational reasoning do not seem to support you.

Perfect for an august evening!

Aquadettes, my heroines (Luize)

Aquadettes from California is a place. on Vimeo.

"That's pretty much how I wanna feel in fifty years. And when facing all things harsh that hit you inexpectedly...

Resilient, active... and maybe a little high. And remembering to do things I love to do"

Luize